Mother- a person in your life who has no substitute in any corner of this world. She is someone whom you have seen from the 1st time you opened your eyes in this world. Her warm love and care is something that has helped us storm many difficulties in life bravely. She is someone we have observed and learned so many traits of her. We look up to her in times of difficulty. Even a normal hurt would remind you of her care and her warm touch. And in spite of all this she is someone we fight the most with. Differences of opinion in our growing years lead us to arguments with her. We get angry and annoyed with her. Yet even after a fight she would come to you and would put her loving hand on our head and would give us a warm hug. It is something only a mother can do. She is devoid of all egos. Except her there is not a single human on this earth who would come to you and hug you after a fight even when it is your fault.
But, those who have lost their mothers know what vacuum is created in their lives once she has gone far away from them. And when such people encounter step mothers in their lives, they only know what it means!! It is not to say that every step mother is evil and scary. But I am talking about people who do not really have good experience with their step mothers.
Let us have insight over the issues which lead to clash between kids and step mother:-
NATURALBOND- is lacking here. What bond child and mother have cannot be created between step mother and kids. This is because the day child is conceived the special bond between child and mother is created even when child is in womb. This bond obviously would not be there, however good step mother be.
DISTANCE- some sort of invisible distance is there in such kind of relationship. Kids cannot be as frank to their step-mothers as much as to their own mothers. However civilized relationship be, kids lack that trust in such relationships.
STEP- SIBLINGS- when it is difficult to accept someone in place of your mother, it gets even more difficult when there are step brother and sisters are involved into it. Naturally there is going to be some awkwardness because however loving step mother be, she may unknowingly differentiate between her own child and step child. And also child has it in his psychology that the lady is step mother and has her own children so that would automatically lead the child to think that there is partiality going on in his house.
Friends, neighbours and distant RELATIVES- whenever there is some issue going on in a family people are very much interested in knowing the happening. And there is no derth of people who want to add fuel to the fire. so people try creating rift between step-mother and child if at all both the parties are trying hard to cope up with the situation.
CALL ME ‘MOM’- this is the most common issue faced in this kind of relationship. Step mothers force themselves on kids and expect to take place of a mother in child’s life. But this should be very rationally accepted by her that no child can give that place to anyone because where mother is in question, no child takes it lightly. And if at all someday she succeeds in taking that sacred and honourable place in child’s life, she would not have to force child to call her mom or give her that special place.
MISUNDERSTANDING- are created because of all the above factors and this makes it more difficult for the child and mother involved in such a situation.
Most importantly I would like to say India is a country where we have example of lord Krishna whose biological mother was different from the one who brought him up. And he has provided world with finest example of how the one who cares for you is greater than one who gave you birth.
A PROBABLE SOLUTION- So whoever is in such kind of situation should try to resolve all the issues. And when even after all the efforts directed towards reconciliation fails, a practical approach should be adopted. Step-mothers should not force her on kids nor do kids should expect from her what they would normally from their mother. Keep a reasonable distance, give respect to the position that she holds and for step-mothers, please try and love kids as they are just ‘kids’ (not yours or hers!! ) .so do not differentiate between your kids and them and please respect the distance that lies between you and your step-child.
MAY LOVE PREVAIL!!
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