A major problem almost everybody face everyday..Be it friends or parents or colleagues.. We start with a discussion.. End up with a heated argument.. It makes the situation awkward, ruins our day, destabilizes a relationship.. Here's a small solution of avoiding such problems.. Though difficult to follow, if followed will result in a very good understanding between the two..

How does an argument start..
1. The fact is that disagreements will happen.
2. Communication starts getting distorted and misunderstood.
3.Unresolved past bottled up feelings comes up.
4.These disagreements turn into arguments and issues become personal attacks.

Now here are solutions for such problems..

Stop phrases like..

1. You always..
2.You never..
3.You are..
4.You are not..
5.You should have..
6.You should have not..
7.I thought you will..
8.I assumed you.
9.I feel you are..

Take the issue in a corner..

1.Never argue in public or when there are people around.
2.Never shout at someone in office or you have to handle two situations.
3.Nobody likes humiliation in public.
4.Best is to speak in a privacy setting, one on one.

Check your voice and volume

1.When you raise your voice and volume you put the other person in defensive mode.
2.Its like putting oil in fire
3.Maintain a calm and soft voice to appear in a resolving mode.

Stop speaking and start listening

1.Only when you start listening to the other person will you understand the other person's point of view.
2.First listen, so that you can be heard.

Separate the person and the issue

1.Respect people and deal with the issue
2.Do not discount people or laugh it out by saying "it is such a silly thing"
3.It may be silly for you but most important for the other person

Use time out principle

1. A times it is better to use time out principle, stop arguing and start recollecting your thoughts.

Avoid mixing other bottled up arguments

1.There is a tendency to bring in all the past arguments in the current issue
2.This only boils the current issue further instead of resolving it
3. This only shows immaturity and childishness

Mind your body language

1. Actions speak more than words.
2.Your face, your hands in fact your entire body speaks more volume.

The above solutions solve major arguments if you follow them correctly.. But in anger people tend to forget what they are speaking and to whom they are speaking but there is no use regretting afterwards.. A word said can never be taken back..

• Written by Balaji.
• In category Stories & Tales.
• 15 years ago.

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