It was the time internet had started peeping in our lives, I was from well cultured family.  Well cultured and well to do family from Dombivali, so, my childhood was excellent compared to others.  I also, reciprocated the same way by being a bright student. 

With internet beginning to reach every house, like every teenager, I also started staying up late in night exploring virtual world over my desktop.  Slowly, I started chatting with my friends, and unknowingly made some online friends too.  One of them was Kangna, a Haryanvi girl, currently settled abroad.  It wasn't love at first sight, but while chatting with her, I developed an attraction.  While away from chat rooms, I always used to think, what and how should I communicate more and more.  The chats which started for mere few minutes had grown to hours, we never lacked the subjects to talk about.  We shared everything with each other, right from our upbringing to the daily chores.  We actually exchanged the movies of our lives with each other.

 Being online throughout the day wasn't possible for either of us, so we exchanged our mobile phone numbers.  Initially, it started with texts, followed by never ending calls.  It was truly my own separate world, in which only she and I existed.  I can not even recall, how our relation started.  But, only after few months, I realised that she is the one for me.  I had read it somewhere, that "Out in the world, somewhere, there is someone who is born just for you".  After, Kangna came in my life, I believed it, it was like a filmy love story, but it was true event for me.  

 This feeling of loving someone from bottom of my heart was an alien one.  My well cultured family heard me out, respected my feelings open heartedly. We were separated by miles, but connected over phones and internet.  Then, a day dawned when she was going to visit my town, I was overjoyed, the heaven was just three inches away from me.  My mind was occupied with thousand thoughts, one of that being, 'What if she rejects me after seeing in person?'  I brushed that thought aside consoling myself and to feel confident, I visited nearby parlour for a make over.  After getting ready sharp at 10, I went to the station to pick her up.  We had decided that she would meet my parents, before we head out for the day.  

I reached station ten minutes before, the train in which she was expected also arrived in a short while.  My eyes were scanning each face, getting off that train, trying to find her.  My eyes were working like 'eagle eye', not for searching prey, but looking for someone for whom I pray!! After few minutes of filtering, I could find pot of gold! I recognised her glowing face, looking confused, her eyes searching for me. "Kangna", I shouted loud enough to gain her attention.  Her confused face lit up with a broad smile.  I reached towards her in lightning speed, and greeted her by shaking hand (I wanted to hug her tightly, but it was our first meeting and moreover it was a public place).  After exchanging initial pleasantries, I carried her luggage, and my heavy heart towards home.  My heart must be pumping more blood towards my face, as she said I was blushing throughout the journey!  

 My parents greeted her with open arms, acknowledging their acceptance. We spent some time home and headed out to get some privacy. I had decided to take her out for lunch to a good place, little away from city. My ultimate aim was to have a memorable time with her. We reached the place and the friendly staff, made our feast unforgettable. As there was never scarcity of subjects for us to talk about, time flew unknowingly. We spoke about lot of things, and before leaving I asked her out for marriage too!! As expected, she agreed with shy smile burying her face in her little arms. The stay wasn't long, as she had to reach to her relatives before moon rises. The time spent with her was exciting than I could have ever imagined. With heavy heart and greatest memories I dropped her to the destination.  While returning, I was above the ninth cloud due to aftertaste of our meeting. I started dreaming about our happy marriage.

Slowly the things started falling in place and the marriage was a "dream come true" day for both of us. As she was a green card holder, I also got an opportunity to settle outside India. The feeling was overwhelming, I was having a better life style, with love of my life. I also could grab a good paying job in a short time. The life was so perfect, that I even envied myself. 

But, as the universal truth says, everything has an end!!! And I could experience it in my life. So, called perfect life, slowly started corrupting. Her behavior suddenly changed, she started showing lesser interest in me. I was seeing my love castle deteriorating, brick by brick. Initially, I assumed the additional "full time member" in her life had taken a toll on her. So, I used to console her and forgiven all her tantrums. But, after few months, the situation became fatal. 

I also, started giving it back to her, unable to bear the insult. The small wind had turned into a deadly tornado. I knew, I have to do something or else everything we had built together will turn into ashes. 

I thought of consulting her parents to seek a solution. However, their response blew my mind, "She was always like that, we have given up on making her understand".  I was middle of nowhere, I had no one to look at.

One day, the fight reached to such an extent, that she accused me saying, "You married me, only to get a green card". It was a strong blow on my self esteem, I cried the entire night and blamed god to put me in such a situation. I couldn't believe my ears but the harsh reality had struck the week point of my heart, 'my self confidence'.

Next day, I got up with determined to prove my intentions. I reached out to the officials to know the process of returning the Green card. I returned home, and with trembling voice informed her what I did. She simply smiled as if I was lying, and went out as if she never cared. That moment was good enough for me to decide, that returning Green card, and settling back in my own country is a wise decision. Looking at her emotion less eyes, I started the process. The time had stopped, everything around me had become bitter and dark. The remaining days on the foreign soil was like the worst nightmare. I was no longer concerned about my career, my life, or myself. 

I returned back to my home land with broken heart, shattered shitty life. My parents truly stood by me and my decision and never uttered a foul word. Staying home staring at the walls with empty eyes had become my routine. Meanwhile, I tried to speak to few of my friends but everyone declared me a fool. Nobody showed any concerns about my feelings, mainly everyone called me impractical for returning the god damn green card. 

I didn't lose only the green card, but also my life!!! I still haven't divorced her, hoping for a miracle to happen and to bring the lost life back in me.


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Comments (3)

  1. pinakin thakre

Don't lose heart Umesh, there is always life beyond this. Start a new life !!!

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  1. Umesh Kauche    pinakin thakre

Thanks Pinakin, but honestly, it was just a story and truly not mine. However, your concerns and kind words are really appreciated.

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  1. shaloo walia

For a moment I thought it was an autobiographical account till I read the comments.

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