Size of a man and his Self confidence - what’s the relation?
There is no relation whatsoever. That is a Big man necessarily need not be a man with high Self confidence. And the converse is also true. Take the Biblical story of David and Goliath. David, though has a diminutive physique compared to the Giant sized Goliath, with his self confidence, David floored Goliath.
If you just peep in to the animal world, the first animal that catches your attention is the mountain sized Elephant. But, pity. This mammoth sizes pachyderm’s self confidence is a big cipher.
Self confidence makes a big difference.
We can see many such examples in real life. Lack of self confidence and having self confidence are the two factors that separate Losers from Winners.
Here are a few examples.
Many people shirk to do a thing because of a failure once taken place. A failure generally dampens the spirit of a parson. Since that first failure, the person gets gripped in the Fear of Failure unto last. Is it true that success is the domain for a few and it’s not possible for everybody to succeed?
No. It’s not true. Anybody can succeed. Failures are common to all. No great man has become great without ever committing a mistake. But, the main criteria for success is not to fear the fear. Setting aside the fear of failure and bouncing back with renewed vigor after every failure until the success comes in to one’s hand. If one has failed in his endeavors, it implies that the person concerned has not put up enough efforts.
Why the ‘King of Jungle’ is Lion, not an Elephant?
Elephant is the epitome of strength. By virtue of its size and strength, it could have been easily regarded as the ‘King of Jungle’. But it’s not so. Why?
The reason is obvious. Mere strength and size will not take any one be it animal, creature or man to attain the peaks of glory... Any organism with the three Cs, Courage, Conviction and Confidence only can reach the peaks of glory.
Why elephant lacks confidence?
The fact that elephant is being widely used as a ‘Heavy weight carrier’ all over the world, establishes the fact that the elephant is having superior strength. Despite this fact, it remains submissive all its life. But never tries to escape from its captivity. Remains as a slave all its life to the man who is much weaker than itself.
What is the reason behind an elephant’s submissive behavior?
Before we explore the reason for an elephant’s submissive nature, we should know a bit about how the elephants are caught.
The process of catching the elephant is known as Kheddah. The hunters dig deep pits and the pits are covered with leaves and bushes. On the surface they look like plain grounds. Then the elephants are herded by the hunters. While running away from the hunters, the unsuspecting elephants fall in the pits thinking that they are plain ground.
The trapped elephants remain in the pits for days on without food. This is a part f the plan in the process of elephant trapping. The hunters by making the elephant starve for a long period, force the elephant long for food. Thus making it helpless. Then, the hunter starts giving the trapped elephant a few bananas or a shovel of hay which the hungry elephant grabs eagerly.
From then onwards, the mighty elephant looks eagerly for a morsel of food. It’s not all. The poor elephant regards the hunter as its savior and never hesitates to obey his orders. A stage comes when the elephant completely surrenders itself to the hunter who provides it some food.
At this time, the hunter takes out the elephant from the pit and ties it to a tree with a weak rope woven with dry hay. But the surrendered elephant has already came to a decision, its life is depending on the hunter. That’s why, it waits everyday for the arrival of the hunter and the food he brings. For the same reason it will never try to escape breaking the rope.
Now, anyone can guess that lack of confidence in itself about its strength is the reason behind the elephant’s submissiveness.
People with an Elephant’s psyche.
These people are destined to live a submissive life. They never try to know their strengths. They never try to live a life of their own. They always remain satisfied with the belief that they are destined to live on the mercy of another.
A failure that took place once will never be erased from their hearts. As a result, whenever an opportunity knocks on their door, they refuse to open the door. The fear of failure will be moving before their eyes. Their first failure reminds them again and again and forces them to shut their door once and for all.
Faith in one’s potentialities is the only way to survive
In the present scenario of globalization, the only sutra that works is “Survival of the fittest.”Many try to cover up their lapse of ‘lack of self confidence’ with lame pretexts of “I’m busy.” It is nothing but escapism. In reality it’s the fear of failure.
Negative influences.
There are people around us or may be in our own friends circle with negative attitude. A person who lacks self confidence will be easily influenced by these negative minded people. These people add more woes to a person who is already plagued by lack of self confidence. Having lots of self confidence is not enough. One who aims to achieve something and wishes to grow should keep himself away from negative influences.
When I got an opportunity for a job which I was dreaming for years, I immediately decided to quit my present job, though it was paying me a substantial salary, but not a job of my liking. The new opportunity is offering me a dream job, though the salary was less. Still I decided to go for the job of my liking. But many discouraged me not to opt for a job in which I don’t have experience. They also warned me in no time I will be shown the exit because I lack the experience.
But I did not yield. I followed my inner voice. It said ‘in the new job which is close to my heart will open lot of opportunities for my growth.” That’s all. I left my old job and joined my new job. As my heart said, I was trained in many new fields which helped me in achieving expertise.
People with self confidence will lend an ear to their inner voice.
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”- Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs’ above quote says it all. If you listen to somebody’s advise that’s merely ‘Somebody’s’ point of view. The conditions which made the other person are entirely different from that of yours. You have your own point of view. Your own ambitions and aspirations which are lying in the subconscious mind of your own should be considered. That’s why; you should not pay attention to other’s point of view.
This reminds me of the famous story of six blind men and an elephant.
That was village with a small population. In that village six blind men were living who used to live on the alms they get from the kindhearted villagers. One day the blind men heard a big commotion in the village. One of them asked a passerby, the reason for the commotion. The passerby said that there was an elephant in the village and all the villagers are rushing to see it.
Being born blind, the six blind men had no idea how an elephant looks. One of them said ‘Come on friends, let’s all go and see the elephant.’ All of them knew that they are not fortunate to see the elephant, But they consoled themselves that even though they cannot see an elephant, at least they can feel the elephant.
After coming to this decision, all the six, after enquiring where the elephant was, started to have a feel of the elephant. After arriving, one by one went forward and touched the elephant. Each formed their opinions on elephant mentally.
One of them started it saying, ‘Bhai, elephant is nothing but a pillar.’ This blind man had touched the elephant’s leg.
The second blind man who touched the tail of the elephant said, ‘It’s a rope.’
Then came the turn of the third blind man , who touched the trunk of the elephant, said, ‘It’s like a thick. Well grown branch of a tree.’
The blind man who followed next emphatically negatived what the others said and said firmly,’ All of you are misjudged the elephant. It’s looking like a very big fan’. He touched the ear of the elephant.
And the blind man who touched the big belly of the elephant, smiled at the mistake committed by his friends and said ‘So silly. It’s a simple thing and you made it look like a big issue. Hear me my friends, elephant is a big wall.’
Then came the turn of the sixth blind man, who was already confused after hearing different versions of the elephants from his friends. He has slowly approached the tusker and touched the tusk of the elephant and declared loudly, ‘hey, elephant is a solid pipe.’
This lead to an argument. Each one is claiming each one is right and others are wrong. The arguments turned in to agitations. In the meantime, a person, who was known for his wisdom was passing through that way. He found the disturbed and severely agitated six blind men arguing.
After knowing the reason, the wise man said, ‘don’t fight among yourself. All of you are right. ‘Then the six blind men asked, ‘if all of us are right, then why each one felt the elephant in a different way?’ The wise man said, that the difference of opinions about the elephant are due to the reason that ‘all of you touched a different organ of the elephant. In fact, the elephant you touched has all the organs. Elephant is a combination of all the parts you touched and felt.’
The above story clearly tells that there may be some truth in other’s point of view. But remember that the opinion is merely some one’s point of view. Here, if the person who offered a solution to your problem steps in to your shoes and sees through your eyes, you can accept his opinion.
There are many ways to solve problem.
Don’t forget that there is always more than one option to solve a problem. Saying that to do a thing in a particular way only, is a wrong belief. If you have a particular way of handling a work or doing a job, do it. Don’t hesitate and never look towards other’s opinions or validation.
See an artist or painter, painting with a brush, They use the normal painting brushes available in the market. But there are several artists using their hands and their fingers to do the same thing as the painter who use brushes.
It should be borne in mind that your inner voice comes out of your own self that is capable of viewing the bigger picture and helps in guiding you to your interests.
People with Self confidence will not wait for things to happen.
Waiting for things to happen is one thing which people with self confidence will not do. They take the initiative. They lead the path.
Generally people gather around an injured person who was hit by a speeding vehicle. All of them are expressing sympathy to the victim and to his family. But one person among the gathered group searches the pockets of the victim and pulls out the wallet. Checks for the victim’s identity, address and phone number. Then immediately rushes to the nearest phone booth and informs the victim’s family. In the same breath, he informs the police and contacts the nearest hospital and requests for an Ambulance. This is being ‘Proactive.’ And this is the quality of a person with ‘self confidence.’
Self confident people are not afraid of failures.
While on a job, many waver and oscillate amidst feelings oft uncertainty and apprehensions. The reason for it is they will have an inner conflict. They oscillate between the thoughts, “To do”, or “Not to do.”This is not so in the case of those people who have self confidence. Even if there is a failure confident people will magnanimously accept their failure. They neither pass the buck nor try to find out a scapegoat.
They review their failures and find out the lapses. They believe in the saying that there is always a next chance. The greatest quality in a confident person is they never give up. They start the job again with renewed vigor.
Confident people are unassuming.
They won’t brag. They believe what they say and do what they said. People who are not confident brag because of insecurity. For a confident person his security comes from his acquired knowledge. If he’s not sure of what to say, either he simply agrees about his ignorance or keeps silent.
They speak less and listen more.
This is the trait that makes the others feel that they are important. They show utmost interest towards those who speak with a confident person. He is open to suggestions. He will not be dogmatic of his beliefs. If he is very certain and sure of what he says, he goes to any length to convince others without losing his cool.
Constant up gradation of knowledge.
Knowledge is an ever changing subject. There is no end to it. Which why a confident person never thinks that he has reached the ultimate stage of earning knowledge. He is of the firm opinion that knowledge never stagnates. It’s an ever flowing river. Old knowledge becomes obsolete. New knowledge comes in. A confident person knows unless he gathers the knowledge today, it may become obsolete tomorrow.
Shares knowledge.
Knowledge has to be spread. It is not supposed to be kept under wraps. Which is why a confident person goes all out to spread what he knows.
Efficient Time management.
When it comes to time management, confident people behave like misers. They value every moment of the day. To achieve effective time management, they care about the other people’s precious time also. They will not go for chit chatting to a friend or known person, when they themselves are busy. Confident people will see other’s problems from their angle.
They avoid clutter.
The most important trait about confident people is that they keep the surroundings in an order. They avoid clutter. Clutter causes wastage of time.
Team work
A confident person is selfless. He firmly believes that “Working together works.”At the same time he believes in delegation of duties and responsibilities. He will lead the team by example. His proactive trait makes him to lead the team from the front. In this process, he identifies the weak links and rectifies the weak spots in the chain promptly and effectively in the chain which is his team.
Will not hog the limelight.
In the view of a confident person, every spoke in the wheel is important for running the wheel without hassles. Which is why he is ever ready to own the mistakes and to share the credits with his team members.
Quick decisions.
Indecision is expensive. A confident person involves his colleagues as well as his staff members in taking decisions. This in turn creates trust on the leader of the team. Where there is trust the organization runs like a well oiled machine. Delays cause a lethargic atmosphere all around. A confident person will never allow such a situation to happen.
Effective communication.
A confident person uses the tool of effective communication to avoid the confusion. Lack of communication or inadequacy or clarity in communication will send wrong signals to members of the team. And in its turn will cause an imbalance in the setup.
Positive attitude.
Optimistic attitude in a confident leader will not allow dejection or hopelessness to creep in to his mind in case of failures. The leader cheers the members and assures that a failure doesn't mean the end of the world. This makes the team rejuvenated and makes it restart in all its vigor.
People with positive attitude keep their faces towards the sunshine. Because the shadows fall behind them. They see an opportunity in every obstacle.
English poet Fredric Langbridge’s quote vividly gives a picture of a person who has positive attitude.
“Two men look out from the same bars.
One sees the mud and one the stars.”
Life is a combination of good and bad situations. Happy and sad situations. They should be taken as they come and look for the brighter part in such situations. A person with positive attitude maintains the attitude of equanimity. They take pleasures and pains equally. Pains make them know the value of pleasure.
Even in the most adverse conditions, people with positive attitude will not allow negative feelings in to their mind. For them an half empty glass is ‘half filled’.
Most problems are born in the mind. So, positivity in a person sees to it that the mind born problems can be tamed with a change in attitude.
The following story will illustrate well about the nature of the people with positive attitude.
A guru took two of his disciples for a picnic. When they were walking through a picturesque landscape, the Guru and his disciples stopped at a mango tree, that was laden with ripe mangoes.
The Guru turned to his disciples and asked one of them, what he thought about the mango tree. The disciple said that people hit this mango tree with stones to get its fruits. Still, it neither complains nor stop producing mangoes. This attitude of the mango tree brings in to the fore the most important life lesson, that despite hardships a person never stops going in the path that is assigned to him.
The second disciple said, if one wants to get the fruits of this mango tree, one has to hit it with stones. Because this mango tree will not offer the fruits of its own.
Self confidence empowers.
Self confidence is not an inborn quality. It can be practiced and can be mastered. The C trio, confidence, courage and conviction will empower the people. Self confidence makes seemingly impossible things possible.
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