Expectations: Degree Of Probability
We as human beings expect all the time from every one around us. This is because we have developed within ourselves a belief that we all live in a society and thus it is fine to depend on others and form all sorts of expectations from others. Thus, we want other people to do something for us in return of something we did to them. It is more like give and take policy. Society itself was formed on that basis ages ago. It created a sense of togetherness and a medium of exchange of goods. Thus, no one was deprived of anything and everyone felt secure and protective. This is continued even today. The only thing that has changed is exchange of goods take place by means of money.
We say it is very natural for all of us to start expecting from others around us irrespective of whether they are our family members, colleagues, friends or someone we know from a long period of time. Sometimes we even build expectations from a stranger. Expectation is nothing but a wish of ours we want others to fulfill it for us. It can be anything. It can be in the form of a material, money or even sometimes a behavioral pattern. Expectation is like a want which we want at any cost to get fulfilled. We want people to behave in a certain manner and when they do not do so, they fall short of our expectations. We simply forget that they have got their own lives to live. They will behave or perform an act as per their belief system, staying in their own comfort zone. Something that is right for us, may not be right for them and vice versa. It is just a point of view. It's just a simply understanding that we need to build within ourselves. Once built it will create a sense of compassion within us. Compassion towards one another is something that has become need of an hour. This compassion itself will help us understand what the other person is going through and once we understand what the other person is going through, we will come to know the reason behind his deeds. We will cast off our expectations and embrace him completely with both hands.
Expectations hurt. If not all the time but say most of the times. When others meet with our expectations, we feel good and when they do not meet our expectations, we feel bad about it. This feeling of good or feeling of being devastated is being created by us. This is an outcome of strong belief system we have and that belief system is others have to act as per we say. We feel we are always right and this feeling is so common among all of us. All of us feel whatever we say or we do is right and others who differ form us are doing something wrong. In certain situations, when we are pretty sure that the other person performing an act is wrong, we can definitely go to him and advise him wisely. That is all we can do. Give him right advice, show him pros and cons and consequences he will be facing as an outcome of his deed or act. Once done, we need to step back and let him do his thing. We need to get detached right from that moment. However, most of us remain attached and expects the other person to go with the advice given to him. We do not leave a room or scope for that person to carry out his own thing and builds up a hill of expectations. This will create a lot of turbulence in him as well as in us.
Today we usually experience turbulent energy in our relationships because we try to control others. We try to levy our rules on them and want them to behave the way we want them to behave. If a person does not behave in the way we wanted him to or choose a side we wanted him to else say did not say something we wanted him to, we easily get devastated. Remaining detached is very essential to remain stable. Too much pressure and expectation we levy, narrows down the scope for other person to continue doing things he wanted to do. It is as well not very good for us as we are framing our character as well as personality. We are trying to control other person regardless of how good or bad our intentions are. Control is something today a major cause of disharmony in relationships. We are framing our character as we are trying to dominate over one person and then successively trying to frame a control over others as well. Within no time we will start poking our nose in each and every person's business whether they are known to us or unknown to us i.e., interfering in some one's life we have met just a few seconds earlier. We do not want to shape our character in that way. We should always wish to become some one who is of good and is of helping nature, who can be approached at any time for good advice.
The way we expect people to behave in particular manner, in the same way we also expect situations or circumstances to arrive in a manner which is favorable to us. If a certain situation does not turn out the way we wanted it to be then we start playing our favorite blame game. We start cursing ourselves, our destiny or simply put a blame on others. We wanted things to be in some other manner and as situation did not turn out the way we wanted it to be, we feel insecure. This insecurity is because we were not prepared to face such a situation as preparation was done for something else. We simply do not understand that people and circumstances are not in our control. We cannot control others as well as situations arriving in our day to day lives. We can only control ourselves. We need to put an intervention on our habit of expectations. We should stop ourselves from levying a whole burden of our expectations on shoulders of other people. It is more like do your work and do not worry about the outcome. This is because all that is in our hands is to do our work efficiently i.e., put in our 100% in the task that we are performing. Worrying about outcome is a lame thing to do. We cannot predict the kind of fruits we are going to reap and thus leave it on time. Accomplishing our task is in our hands. It is because we are the one who is performing it. Results are not in our hands. We need to embrace whatever outcome we get and that is what is called as embracing a situation. Regardless of whether we have received a failure or have passed with flying colors, we need to accept the things positively since this is all we can do. Instead of becoming devastated and feel negatively inside, we have to inspire ourselves for better work to be done in future.
When a person reacts aggressively or shows and throws tantrums around, even on lame and tiny issues, we create negative thoughts about him. We do not want him to behave in such a manner. Each one of us has a particular pattern of behavior and we seem to follow that pattern. However, we seem to forget that others too have their own self designed behavioral pattern which is created over a period of time and which according to them is best for them and thus they seem to follow theirs instead of ours. Each one of us is different from others and thus behavioral patterns too differs and in such case expecting something out of a person is a ridiculous demand we are creating for them. Since they are comfortable in their own zone, they find it difficult to come out of it and same stands for us. We cannot break our shell and try to do something for somebody so that their expectations can be met. Same stands for others too. We just need to fill into their shoe and think twice before expecting anything from anybody next time.
Parents does expect their child to choose a certain field or a career. They can give him right advice but cannot shoulder their dreams on his shoulder. This will be more like a burden. Child himself as an individual soul might have certain aspirations in his life and thus should be allowed to choose what he wants. A very common expectation parents have from their grown up child is that he will look after him in their old age. This is another expectation that should not be kept. Expecting some one to do something for us can bring pain to us if expectation is not met. If the child understands his responsibility, he will fulfill it and parents should take it as a bonus. If he does not understand, they should let him go. These kind of expectations we knowingly or unknowingly keep creating in our everyday lives. This is because we feel it is alright to expect something but rather we do not understand what harm it creates within us as well as to that person on whom we are depending.
We feel that if we have done something to some body, they need to return to us as favor and most of the times we do not call it as a favor, we name it as a responsibility. When we want our near and dear ones to do something for us, we call it as a responsibility and when we do not see that responsibility from being fulfilled properly, we feel bad about it as in our minds we have already seen it happening and this whole picture what we saw in mind itself is nothing but expectations we built up inside. One has to understand that the other person has to return the favor or not is his call. Whether he feels like fulfilling his responsibility or not, lets leave it on his comfort. If he feels like doing it, he will and if he does not then we should not force him for anything. First and foremost thing we need to do is stop creating expectations within our minds. Expecting something out of people or else expecting situations to arrive the way we want them to be is nothing but foolishness. Duties have to be performed. We need to give advice or recommend or share our feelings whenever we wish with the people for whom we care. We should not stop that and allow that person from falling into a pit hole or choosing a wrong direction. Once advice is given, then the person should be allowed to made his own decision. Let him choose the path on which he wishes to carry out his journey and whatever he chooses we need to support him and not feel bad if our advice did not get implemented.
Knowingly or unknowingly, we create lots of expectations from people around us, from the people we meet in our day today lives. We also expect situations to arrive in our favor. This habit of ours is creating hindrances and is causing an intervention and thus avoiding a perfect relationship between us and others from being flourished. Let us not control others and burden them or force them to do something we want them to do. Let us be supportive. In this way, it will be easy for them to live their life as well as keep us at peace and harmony as we will not disturb ourselves. We will remain detached and thus will save ourselves from inner turbulence that is bad for our state of mind, for our well-being, for good health as well as for a good relationship with others. Instead of expecting out of someone or something, let us accept the way people approach us or the way circumstances arrive.
Expectations develop within us because of our belief system. If we want to stop ourselves from expecting something, first thing we need to change is our belief system. For this we need to embrace self discipline which is a key that empowers us greatly. This power we can use to control our mind, body and senses. Then each and every act of ours will be for accomplishing something. Our forces will be directed with right energy and nothing will be inappropriate, neither our act nor our speech. Right now we feel that we do not have control over our words, our body or over our sense organs. This is because our soul is in control of them. Once we take control over them, we can rule them. Silence speaks a lot. Empowerment will enable a person to speak only when necessary. He will avoid wastage of energy. His words will become beautiful and more powerful. Unnecessary speech does a lot of harm and wastes energy. Thus, silence has to be practiced for enriching ourselves with greater power. Intuition of ours too with empowerment of soul becomes keener.
Lack of discipline will make us indulge ourselves in lots of other activities which are of no benefit to us, in turn reduce the energy. Discipline brings concentration and this concentration leads to denial from each and every activity that we are performing right now which is of no use today. It brings self awareness. Once we become aware, it is obvious we will start taking control over all those forces which are now behaving like untrained horses. Then our body and mind will reach a perfect position. One has to choose silence over noise.One has to try to bring equilibrium or harmony between his mind and body. This practice has to be carried on a daily basis without fail. This too requires sufficient discipline. It is of no use if it is done for one day as we feel like doing it and discontinue it next day.
Irrespective of the kind of life style we continued till date, we need to empower ourselves from now on and this empowerment only approaches to us when we start controlling our mind and body. Once we take a control and become masters, there is no looking back. No one can intervene us or stop us from accomplishing what we aim for. This is a state where we rise above all our evil characters and deficiencies and attain a supreme state. Lots of things bind us and act like a hurdle in our way that prevents our free action. They make us weak. We need to come out of our weakness, leave it behind and work as per our will. This itself will help in our uplifting. From now onward we have to remove the weeds of weakness and work harder to cultivate our strength which in turn will help us in our awakening. However, this awakening does not come in a day, we need to work for it and make intellectual efforts like meditation. Spirituality will help us know ourselves and once we identify ourselves we will become in-drawn. Outward things like developing expectations from others as well as from circumstances will rarely bother us as new experience within ourselves will fill within us lots of positive power and surround us with pure spiritual energy. In this way with complete devotion and discipline we will be able to control both our physical as well as mental nature.
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