Arranged Vs Love Marriage!
One of the usual questions against an arranged marriage is that how can you marry somebody you don't know. Knowing somebody before marriage allows partners to have better respect and understanding for each other's needs and desires. This way they are better adjusted in themarriage when they finally take their wedding vows.
Asking somebody if you like an arranged marriage or an love marriage is like asking someone to choose between death by hanging or death by a firing squad !! On a more serious note I feel love marriages are better as you know your partner quite well ,but the parental support is missing though.Out in the Western countries not only do they know each other before marriage but also live together for some years before getting married.well i do not understand the chemistry how to people unknown to each other can live together for the rest of their lives , in the mean time , I am not completely againstarranged marriage as such , what is important is how well can you gel with each other , this can be based on trust , loyalty , and commitment ,its easy to get married , but the most important part is how you carry that relationship, n love or arranged marriage hardly makes a difference as such.Eventhough there is always the stereotypical argument that 'how people totally unknown to each other can come together througharranged marriage and spend their rest of the lives together.I always wonder in places like U.S or any other western country where 'love' marriage is the norm why the divorce rate is so high.I think it has to do with the attitude of people of different cultures towards how serious amarriage relationship is.
In India it is something very serious and a divorce is considered only in the very worst situation. Also its considered something like a 'bad thing' to do. Whereas, in westerncountries I feel they think of divorce as a solution for not-so serious reasons and marriage in many cases ends up more of a 'trial & error' experiment. Arranged marriage can be also very sweet,knowing a new person, learning to love,share your life, it is a beautiful journey..In arranged marriages you dont have much expectations so whatever comes in good is like a bonus.Also family support also very important which you wont realise beforemarriage. But then i must also say its sometimes a game of luck too.Because if the decision of marriage is taken in a hurry burry.One day you meet a person and gets married the next week, things can go wrong.I would prefer a long arranged marriage where you get the time to start understanding the person and also there is parent's blessings.
Both have their own advantages and disadvantages.
In arranged marriages its damn sure that your parents are there to support you, they enquire well about your partner. But still you are getting very less time to know the individual. And when you get into a stage where you can take a decision, it will b too late.Personally, I suport lovemarriages but I m not against arranged ones.. One of the usual questions against an arranged marriage is that how can you marry somebody you don't know. Knowing somebody before marriage allows partners to have better respect and understanding for each other's needs and desires. This way they are better adjusted in themarriage when they finally take their wedding vows.
Also, i don't agree with forced arranged marriages. once you do simply because you have no other circumstance but marry someone because you could have a better life? your family says to do so, because of family honor etc.Marriage is a bond of two souls or lovers and its what they want that is most important.In love marriage, you are marrying someone you love, which is great, as marriage is simply a way to show to the world and confirm your love for each other
For people who are immature.Arranged marrige is better bet. I have seen some people get into messy love marrige because of their low level of maturity. Things are bad when one decides toget married at 18-19 with a guy/girl with whom he/she fell in love at first sight. Life is not movie and there is no 'and they happily lived ever after' in real life.
But if you are a matured person who is very certain about his needs and his capabilities. That means your age must also be atleast above 25. In that case you can make good choice forlove marriage. If you want to get married earlier you should trust arranged marrige.Well that was only about the 'adjustment' part between couples. With arranged marrige you get lot of other benifits like social acceptance.family help from both sides which can be useful in case of trouble.
Unless you are too sure of yourself and have minimal social needs... I consider arranged marrige as better.Ultimately it comes down to what you value more. If you are in love with someone, it is sure that you reach to a point only after making few promises. And one of them is to be together lifelong. Now it depends whether you value your words or social acceptance etc.
Both needs Time, Understanding & friendship to be successful. To me what matters most is the union of two hearts.It doesn't matter whether its decided by our parents or by our self.."requirements" have changed and so the core concept ofmarriage . It is better to take decisions taking parents into confidence.There are many permutations and combinations for the types of possible reasons for contiuation of amarriage or divorce in both cases...
But two special factors get overlooked in general.
1) In arranged marriages due to orthodox background or whatever.Unnecessary ego clash chances don't arise.Eo is the biggest culprit in marriages today.smallest thing can be taken as an offence or a big issue can be taken in a good spirit as well due to good understanding.
2) In love marriages,there are little higher divorce rates due to raised expectations from a lover. During heights of romance it all looks very good,but later on it can create gap in a good understanding. It is due to reason of mismatch of higher expectations and lesser realizations, causing hurt.
Let me turn the discussion to a specific case:
Lets say there is a modern boy and modern girl. (By 'modern' I mean 'not orthodox').
Their marriage can happen two ways:
1. Arranged marriage
2. They have romance, dating for couple of years and then get married.
How do you think these different ways will change their relations after marriage.
My Views:
I personally think when they are in love- they still know each other faults- but Love is blind- and they love each others faults too. But aftermarriage they realize that their partner's fault is really a fault, and find it difficult to handle. While in arranged marriage for the same couple- they comes with a 'tolerant attitude' and that make it little easier for them to handle each others' fault.
If you are talking about India , Pakistan , Bangladesh , Afghanistan (and other muslim countries) , then arranged marriage seem to be successful (not always successful usually though) because , when the couple don't have the freedom to even select or date with the one whom they prefer , then , certainly , they also don't have the freedom to end a 'broken'relationship.If dragging a relationship till the couples die is called a successful relationship , then most of the marriages in these countries are a success. 
There can be a love marriage with the acceptance of society and elders. Then all the good points of both arranged and love marriage will combine in that relationship. Only thing is that parents should be a little bit less concerned about their likes and dislikes and honor the children’s happiness .Also, the concept of arrangemarriage would have been decided by many people after considering both positives and negatives. I think we should respect that.Now, let’s see what we mean bylove marriage. You like a person and you fall in love. 90% of the time, external beauty will influence your decision on falling in love. And I don’t know why this can’t happen in arrange marriage . Because, if you are not attracted towards other person’s appearances – you would anyway say No. For other 10% people, it will not make any difference either way. Because other facts of a person can be known irrespective of love/arrangemarriage.
One advantage of love marriage is, if you don’t like the other person after sometime (before marriage), you can break-up and move forward. But, this will put lot of damage in both the people’s life including their family people.
Lastly, Don’t forget – arrange marriage is out culture. If you have a choice, you should support our culture and not others.
In today’s world, I would propagate love marriage over arranged marriage .
Reasons
1. Backgrounds are overlooked by the many when considering behavior
2. Arranged was ok in conventional times when a woman was an instrument to do service to her master. In today’s world and with the equality prevailing and with dual income sustenance catching on ,an arranged marriage may live on as a surprise without compromise
3. Love marriage gives a chance for two mature adults to see each other well enough from the outside to the inside. They cant blame any one for their failure to make it work.
4. Love marriage ensure equal compromise and adjustments from changing nappies to cooking food. There are no forces from outside taking the load on themselves to ensure that a woman remains a woman and a a man remains a man
5. Genetically speaking ,a mixed combination is far better than a regular stream union for the el for the elimination of hereditary related diseases
6. Expenses in their union is not as a rule heavy on one gender. Dowry is eliminated and both start on a equal footing .
7. Promotes national integration to some extent .
8. Marriages are made in heaven between pairs and not intermediaries who decide on fixed mindsets .
The following conditions need to be complied to promote the concept of Love marriage.
1. One should be mature enough to take the step. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
2. Interference from outside needs to be eliminated if it affects the selection process.
Advices may be taken.
3. Future related to the offspring and his/her following needs to be clear.
4. It should not be an event of convenience or just a process which needs to be follo
You can't plan these things:
In other words, It is not a choice. If you fall in love, you should marry him/her. Arranged marriage is sort of a backup plan, just in case you were not able to find a match by yourself. Then the network of relatives and friends can be relied upon to find a suitable match for you. On the one hand arranged matches can be more preferable in a joint family kind of a setup since your match will most likely be someone who is already familiar with the customs of your extended family and would be more likely to adjust better. But still, the finer points of your partners character are hard to find out during the brief engagement/courtship period. Then you are stuck for life. Per se, there is nothing evil about this custom. Its just like a dating service. You meet several boys/gals, talk a little, first impressions count a lot, and then if you are interested, then things are taken to the next level. The biggest danger in an arranged marriage in my opinion is you have no idea beforehand how the sex is going to be. You can just hope for the best.
Love is one great feeling,some great person said, "love without marriage is not immoral, but marriage with out love is immoral".
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