Why joint families are still relevant
In India, we have various assumptions about social institutions. We are also biased in our opinions, and the younger generation, which is now between 15 and 25 years old, think it is their birth right to virtually dismiss anything that is good, and time tested, as "old fashioned". They tend to think that only Facebook, and Twitter and Whats up can save them and take them to their own version of Nirvana.
In reality, nothing can be further from truth. It is extremely sad that the aforesaid problem is slowly spreading to even the tier 2 and tier 3 cities and the rural areas as well. This tendency to run down and actually make fun of an important social institution -- the done and dusted Joint Family -- is extremely sad and deplorable.
As one who has lived in Tamil Nadu for most of my life, I have experienced at first hand, all the good things about the Joint Family System. In a Joint Family, contrary to all public perception, there is a huge amount of caring and sharing. There is an increasingly good tolerance for ambiguity, and for hard ship -- big or small. There is fun, there is a lot of affection shown by the elders, and the youngsters learn to respect the elders and their opinion. There will be differences of opinion, but these get sort of automatically sorted out.
From a practical point of view, such Joint Families are rare. Yet, at least once in a year, it is wise to gather all members of the family for a period of one week, cook together, eat together, worship together, and also care and share. The follow up of such intimate relationships can continue through email, or chatting over cell phone. But there is nothing like face to face interaction, and fun and frolic. In fact, this is exactly what happens to many families. Brothers and sisters and their children get back to their native place, where the parents normally live. Sometimes, the ancestral house is left to some care taker, who takes care of the maintenance, and also maintains the farms and lands of the family.
So, it is all fun and frolic and enjoyment of a tall order. Very often, the big bang get together happens for a week or ten days. However, the children stay behind for the entire duration of the summer holidays, in an environment which is close to nature. Thanks to internet connectivity, the children get to enjoy the rural life, and also stay connected with friends in other places. This happens in most Southern districts of Tamil Nadu, where families have very good values that are cherished for generations.
The Joint Family System is a fine social institution. At least once in a year, it is but essential that members of the same family, who live and work in different places, get together not only in their native places but in some other common place as well.
This becomes all the more essential, as we are now seeing the great cracks in the nuclear families as well. If children of most nuclear families, where the man and his wife are both employed, grow up under the care of the servant maids for a longer period of time, it is entirely possible that the next generation will never get to know their cousin brothers or sisters, and never have any positive feelings or emotions for the elders and so on.
It should be noted that this is already happening. If the present trend continues, the urban centers of India, will have an entire generation rooted in total commercial values. Money becomes the most important thing in life, and the parents would have actually fed this lesson, even in unconsciously.
Money is important indeed, but it cannot buy everything in life. Money cannot and should not, buy happiness. For even if it does, such happiness will be very meaningless, and will never have any positive emotion or feeling in it.
In fact, it has been proved again and again that only men and women who hail from good families and have good values, grow into mature and emotionally mature individuals, who will be ever willing to give maximum importance to emotions and feelings of others. Some sort of a get together, at least once in a year, is a must. We ought to realize that going the Western way is really happening so fast in our families, and much sooner than what we think, understand or even feel, as a reality.
The big rat race is on. It is stupid to argue that we should not be part of this rat race. Yet, this rat race should also make us level headed. It should make us more mature, more engaged with members of our families, with relatives on both the sides of the father and mother and also with the wider society in which we live in.
Our children ought to understand that money is important indeed, but values are important too. There is no better social institution than the joint family to inculcate these values in children at a very young age.
If the parents are not dumped into old age homes, and stay on with their sons and daughters, there can be a big change. In fact, the old people often take care of the house so well, that the younger generation of sons and daughters get to spend some quality time with their children, and the children also learn quite a lot from the older people. This sort of mini Joint Family is still a very important aspect of Indian families. However, the rapid growth of the old age home business is a big worry indeed. Of course, the charitable institutions are doing some work to help the old people in some big way.
As Indians, we should not mock at the social institutions like the Joint Family. We should try to keep it intact, at least to the extent possible. Only if we do this, we can rest assured that the next generation will have to fall back, in terms of an emotional social structure. There is an urgent need to get this done, in a very big way.
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