Low Self- Esteem- Don't allow it to creep in to your child
That was a winter sunny morning. The park opposite my house was filled with children playing hide and seek. Govind, my son was standing at the gate of my house and looking keenly at the children playing in the park.I was watching Govind through the window.Of late I have been seeing a marked change in Govind. A few months back, Govind was not like this. He used to take active part in all the activities in and outside the school. He always used to play his favourite game Hide and seek with his friends who are all playing now in the park.
It all started a fortnight ago, when Govind's teacher talked with me over the phone about the recent changes taking place in Govind, especially his reluctance to play with his friends. As a worried parent, I took my son to a psychiatrist and had a long talk about the changes taken place in Govind. The psychiatrist after a thorough check up and a prolonged questioning session arrived at the conclusion that Govind has become a victim of low self esteem or inferiority complex.
What's low self esteem
Low self esteem is 'Self defeating' or 'self erasing' quality in a person. A person with low self esteem feels insecure. A constant feeling of worthlessness will be plaguing the person. This feeling corrodes the inner faculties of a person and becomes a hindrance to a potential winner. A person with high levels of self esteem will be oozing positive thoughts.
How and when to arrest 'Low Self Esteem.'
Parents should be vigilant right from the formative years of the kid that they should not fall a prey to the evil, 'Low self esteem.' Because there is a danger of child's exposure due to wrong parental attitudes like undue comparison, harsh treatment.
Other causes for low self esteem in children.
Lack of communication
Parents busy day and night in their respective professions or jobs cannot communicate with their children adequately. It means children are deprived of that knowledge of their parents which was gathered for years.
School intimidation
Teachers often refer a student's performance especially bad performance in the most unwanted derogatory manner. Most probably they think such remarks and comments will make the student perform better. Unfortunately its not so. Rather child psychologists feel such remarks prove to be counter productive. Constant reminders to the student will work in a negative way. It makes the child lose heart and interest. Gradually over a period of time, children lose their confidence and faith on themselves making them vegetables.
Faulty parental attitude
As if it's not enough parental faulty and obsolete beliefs like imposition of unrealistic demands, whenever the children fail to measure up to their exceptions too contribute to the child's inferiority complex. This, without saying reminds the child time and again day in day out about their lapses and inability, totally damaging the confidence and breaking mental equilibrium into shreds.n Parents are unaware that this kind of repetitive reminders will erode self-confidence
Yet another wrong belief
The quickest thought that flashes in to the mind of parents , whenever their children fail to measure up to their expectations. they neighbour Narayan's son Narendra's exemplary ground breaking performance in the recent popular competitive exams. Of course, the parent's intentions and motives are aimed at motivate their child. But more than often the act of comparison backfires. A reaction contrary to the parental expectations takes place leading to devastating results.
This type of damaging belief can be seen often in the urbanites, who often witness and hear many success stories happening around them.
Here, at this juncture, the child undergoes a severe amount of agony to such an extent that an altogether different thought germinates in the heart of the child. The child nurtures in the deep core of his heart a feeling of revenge. A sort of punishment to the person who constantly tortures him mentally. As a consequence, the child deliberately fails to rise up to his father's expectations. Thus the rebel in the child's heart wakes up. Its not all, the child develops a nature full of aversion towards all peers. He defies every established practice. He defies every person who is a part of established practices
Link between low self-esteem and wrong upbringing ways.
Extreme upbringing ways are not the only reasons for a a child's low self- esteem. Under upbringing ways are equally responsible for low self-esteem in a child.
Anxiety, the breeding ground for low self-esteem
Certain conditions in the home as well as outside home cause anxiety in a child. And anxiety provides lot of fertility to fears, suspicions and doubts. And they in turn lead to devastating results in a tender heart. They make the child cripple, an incapable personality which cannot bloom without the outside assistance.
Conditions that create anxiety in a child.
A turbulent family where skirmishes are regular occurrences. A heated exchange of words between the parents or between mother-in- law and daughter-in- law or an ever grumbling peer or even a fussy mother who often sees red in any modern trend visible in an incumbent of the family. These conditions break a child's tender heart and reduce him to a person of self- depreciating creature. Low self- esteem and inferiority complex being the notable features in such people.
Early Features that may escape the parent's notice
Disinterest in all those activities, which the child used to enjoy until a few days ago. e.g. Govind used to enjoy playing hide and seek in the lush green environs of the park just opposite his house.
Now a big nonchalance. Nothing stirs his interest. Nothing excites him. He prefers to sit in a remote corner of the house, staring blankly in to the vacuum for hours on brooding.Don't you think such dreary and deadly conditions are capable of driving any child in to the chaotic depths of 'Inferiority Complex'?
Now, time for thinking about, 'How to build Self- esteem'.
At the very beginning, the parents or the custodians of the family should know what is Self-Worth and its importance and significance in the arena of Self Development. Besides, unless parent believes in self worth. he cannot up lift the child. A single suggestion on its own cannot do wonders or offer a sure cure for the development of a child. It's the sum total effect of a combination of suggestions that will work in developing a cjild's personality. However besides these suggestions which come under the jurisdiction of the home, there are certain factors out side the jurisdiction of the house on which the family head may not have any control. Like, environment in the school, teacher- student relationship and the influence of friends circle to name a few.
Parents should remember, above all the measures, it's the Parent's strong desire to prevent the child from the vicious effects of 'Low Self- Esteem' will contribute more in Child development.
A few Mantras that work
Refrain from using the stock phrase, " I know you cannot do a good job in your life time', whenever your child commits a Faux Pas. A persistently pestering parent cannot do anything to his child but harm. Avoid nagging. Stop the habit of criticizing the child at the drop of a hat.
Spare the rod, save the child.
Parents should erase the thought of' physical Punishment is the panacea' for all evils.Instead Use praise in place of Punishment. You will be astonished to see the results. Let there be no mistaking. Praise doesn't mean a reward in cash. A praise in the form of a Pat on the shoulder and a gentle running of the parent's fingers in the head of the boy will work wonders. The central idea is to make the child feel good.
Entrust a few jobs to the child.
Did you ever mark , how a child rares to enter into the world of elders and prove its mettle? Give small responsibilities to the child. Let him do all alone without your help but under your supervision. This small act goes a long way in building the sense of 'Self- Reliance in a child. Self- reliance is a sure way to boost the self-confidence in a child. Hence, there never arises even an iota of scope for the entry of inferiority complex in a child.
Test the child's crisis alertness
Don't rush towards your child if he accidentally falls in his play. Let him use his own methods of dealing with the crisis.Let the child know of his own accord about his own ways of dealing with a crisis. Make him feel one day he has to be on his own. Let him know, every time Dad and Mom will not be readily available to extend their helping hands. This is the only time, for a parent to sow the seeds of'Self- reliance' in their kids.
Self reliance leads to Positive Self- image.
Parents should always try to give an opportunity for expressing themselves. Parents should learn to see the things with the children's eye. Remember, parents need not be right always. Parents too are vulnerable for mistakes. Its not a wrong to get down a step in order to make the things easy.
There is nothing wrong if you see the things as seen by your child.
Explore all the avenues at your disposal to make your chilld free from inferiority complex.
It won't be out of context if the famous saying of Isadora Duncan is quoted here as my concluding part of this article.
"The finest inheritance you can give a child is to allow it to make its own way completely on its own feet."
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