An eagle lays its eggs on great heights to protect its eggs from falling prey to other animals. Unaware that the height will not protect some of its eaglets from the ill fate of being killed within moments after it comes out of the egg. The first offspring that comes out of the egg kills the later hatched eaglets in order to be the sole survivor around. Numerous examples exist in nature that shows the existence of sibling rivalry. Another example is the spotted hyenas where the new born pups are killed by its siblings.

What is Sibling Rivalry?

Sibling rivalry is a feeling of competition that may involve jealousy too among siblings who may or may not be related by blood. Difference in parental behavior during childhood is one of the most known causes that induce sibling rivalry. For some it may even continue throughout their rest of the lives.

Causes of sibling rivalry

One of the most significant causes is known to be the behavior of parents towards their children. Sometimes a child may feel he is gets less amount of attention or love from his parents as compared to his other brother or sister. This feeling of inequality may eventually cause the child housing negative feelings for his siblings. A child may feel that he gets lesser time, attention and love from his parents as compared to the other children in the house.

• Take for instance a single child who gets all the attention and love from his family. All the toys and the chocolates that are brought are obviously for him and he has to share it with no other child. In short he enjoys being the most lovable family member in the house. But when a second child is born the new born becomes the star kid of the moment taking away all the family’s love and attention. The chocolates and toys now have to be shared. The new changed atmosphere at home where mostly his parents are indulging in the second child all the time may be greatly disliked by the first born. This may lead to some jealousy or feelings of being ignored in the heart of the first child. The elder child is not mature enough to understand that the new born child requires enormous amount of attention thus they end up getting frustrated and annoyed. This annoyance and frustration may go on for a very long time into the age when the kids start speaking and develop the skills of reasoning. The first child may try to find out ways that will attract his parent’s towards him taking away all the attention from his sibling. At times he may try to outdo the younger one in studies or sports or any other little competition at home. He may start putting out petty fights for no reason and at that time if the parents unaware of the feelings of the child happen to scold him for his mistakes, his feelings of sibling rivalry can be fueled up. This condition is worsened when the other child too starts reacting the same way the first one had been doing. Being constantly annoyed may make him to indulge in such activities. If the elder one bully’s him he has no option but to either complain to his parents or react in a similar manner. If the younger constantly looses from the first one in various issues he may even develop frustration and low confidence. The feelings between the two may not remain loving at all. This may even result in deep psychological problems in both the children.
• While another reason may be when one of the children is a girl the parents are more protective and gentle towards her. This may not be taken well by the male sibling of hers as he may not be able to reason it well enough as to why his sister is always the one being taken more care of comparatively
• Sometimes an age difference plays the culprit between two siblings. Kids of the same age group may have the same kind of likes and dislikes and can work it out together but a larger age gap may be a hindrance in building up an understanding between the two.

How to handle Sibling Rivalry?

One of the most important causes of sibling rivalry is parental behavior towards the children. While it is always advisable that partiality should not be there in parenting but sometimes it is unavoidable. Let us narrow down what can be done or avoided so that your kids develop a strong bond of love and not rivalry.

• Try to avoid making comparisons among your children. As a child you never liked it and neither did I and so how do you expect your children to react positively to it? Every child is unique in his/her own way, one may be good in sports while other in academics or may be dramatics. You cannot compare and should not!
• Whenever possible indulge every child along. If you have a new born in the house make your first child sit near to the baby. Tell him that he has a new sister or brother with whom he can play and have a lot of fun.
• Whenever possible let the children resolve their petty issues. Fights are common between siblings but parental interference should be avoided.
• Include both the kids in everything that is intended for them. Take both or none for the Christmas party in the neighborhood.
• Do not take sides. You as a parent have to be decisive and judgmental but at the same time try not favoring one child. If you see both of your kids fighting give both of them punishment well giving them reasons for it.
• Try encouraging love between them. Make them do small works around together like cleaning their room or playing scramble. At the end of a fight make them shake hands or hug each other.

Conclusions

Sibling rivalry has existed since the epic Mahabharata when the Pandavas and Kauravas existed and fought for the throne of their empire. Even fairy tales have examples like the story of Cinderella where her sisters were too jealous of her to let her live an ordinary life and made her do all the house hold work and even refrained her from going to the ball. Sibling rivalry has been an interesting topic for the movie makers and book writers. There are many real life examples too like the most current one being between the Ambani brothers of the Reliance group. It is natural for siblings to fight and get angry or annoyed at each other but the parents should try to handle it smartly. If your kids fight too much do not overlook the problem it may be cause of the feelings of rivalry in competition for your love or attention. They are their every child’s hero and have full capabilities to win over this evil that can engulf the love between their children. For every parent should observe their children’s behavior and inculcate the positive feelings in them. Happy parenting!

• Written by Ashii.
• In category Parenting and Child Development.
• 11 years ago.

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