The tyranny of "Ifs' and "buts" in our lives
As human beings, all of us are bundles of emotions and feelings. Many a time, we allow our emotions and feelings to get the better of us. More often than not, such feelings and emotions, land us in deep trouble -- particularly, when these feelings or emotions lead us to a vicious cycle of "ifs" and "buts".
We should realize that "ifs" and "buts" are very dangerous in life. They can ruin any person's self-confidence, can cause huge harm to one's self-esteem and lead one to disaster of a tall order.
It is this vicious cycle we should be wary about.
How it happens
When we are caught in a spiral of self-doubts, we are constantly put down by "ifs" and "buts". For example, we tend to ask ourselves, "am I really capable? Can I really reach that position?" and immediately rationalize the same with" but, I am not ambitious, let me forget it". This is one example of how the cycle starts.
Similarly, when we need to take a bold decision to face a new environment, a new job or a new skill in a new context, we tend to ask "what if I can get the same in my own area, near by native place?".
In Tamil Nadu, this is a real problem. Many young people do not want to face the realities of new environments, or new skills. Only the urban, upwardly mobile are ever willing to do so.
The educated unemployed from semi-urban or urban areas, even if offered very good jobs in metro cities or emerging metros like Cochin or Coimbatore, simply give one excuse or the other, most often, family reasons.
"But I have a very old father to take care, you see", they will tell us right in the beginning.
"If" is also related to wishful thinking of very lazy people. "If I get a good lottery amount, I can become rich", or "If I can marry a rich girl, I can settle fast" are some examples. These thoughts simply run down the person, and he becomes a liability to society and his own family members in every small or big way.
"If", at the other extreme, is often associated with criminal activities and criminal thinking, often the main subject of any TV serial in any language, these days. Once this starts to become a big thought, he or she lapses into a bigger spiral of dirty thoughts and action.
At one extreme, it can lead to thoughts like "what if I can rob my neighbor? and to other extreme thoughts like "what if I can rape this girl?". and so on.
Such negative thoughts always lead to negative and criminal actions.
It is but essential that we get over such thoughts at the earliest.
The role of "buts" in our lives is even more dangerous. Most "buts" are always fashioned to make us perpetually aligned to be on the defensive, and we can never get over such defensive positions.
For example, "but I do not have the resources", "but I think I will not be able to manage the huge expenses in a huge city" are very common examples.
We can easily reserve the trail of our thoughts and actions, if we seek feed back from our good friends, and then try to become very positive in our approach.
We should realize that without any risk, we cannot achieve anything in our lives. Similarly, serious efforts always lead us to positive outcomes.
Exploring new opportunities, examining various possibilities and so on, are always within our reach and our control. We can indeed make a big difference, if only we try.
We can make a huge difference to our lives, when we are focused and can relate to the opportunities in a very big way. "Ifs" and "buts" are very dangerous in our lives. We should get over these through constant effort and action.
We should not become slaves to our own weaknesses. A very conscious decision to avoid being trapped by "ifs' and "buts" can be easily made by any individual, who just needs to be ever vigilant. As mentioned earlier, a big emphasis on feedback, if given, can and will help us to get over our weaknesses regarding "ifs" and 'buts".
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