Why marriages often end in divorces?
She is sitting with a calm mind. It seems her heart is almost frozen. Silent eyes echo nothing. In front of her lies a paper – a simple paper that holds power to break hearts and relationships for ever. Is it so important? Can a marriage end with a simple legal notice? Now she takes the paper, just go through it once. Some emotions flash through her eyes now. Again he put it back to the table. Her thoughts went 3 years back. Her first night! The union of two hearts and two bodies to one! The unforgettable night when both took promises to live together till the end of life! But now, those three years just ended in a simple paper. Where have those promises gone? A foolish thought just passed through her mind, “If I burn this paper to ashes, can that broken relation be restored back?” she laughed for a moment thinking of her foolishness. ‘No, not at all! It’s now beyond every bit of paper.’ After seeing discomfort waves setting again in peaceful blue mind ocean, she started analyzing those 3 years. What’s the fault? Why did we separate? A relationship started with a lot of freshness and sounds! Can it end with faded colours and frustrations in silence forever?
It’s not the case of one or two couples. It’s just a reflection of every mind’s thoughts after divorce. Many people analyze a lot before divorce, but most people belong to the group who analyses it later, when they had let go everything from their hands.
They might have assumed that they have ‘won the match.’ But in true sense, when such a decision is taken in haste it not only kills relationship between two persons, but also destroy a lot of factors and surroundings that lay around that relation. It includes a lot of family friends and good relatives that were earned through that marriage. A divorce can break all those things for ever because a marriage is an action between two families though only two individuals are taking promises for being together always.
To such divorcees let me ask a simple question, “Earlier you were able to forget those indifferences when you both have decided to start a life together. Then what happened now? Is marriage just a lust that begins with the spark of a rising sun and after reaching horizon, it’s destiny is to set in dark skies erasing all its shades? Is it possible to erase all its colours even after breakup? Is it so easy to break a relationship and start a new one?"
Through this article let me try to analyze a few facts that can lead to divorce.
Marriage means responsibilities. So divorce means hiding from them?
Before tying a knot, you may be an irresponsible and undisciplined person who doesn’t care about future and future savings. But once you have decided to start a new journey through a new path with someone who loves and cares you, you change a lot. It gives extra-responsibilities towards your life as well as your partner. Now you can’t even tease your mind and body without seeking permission from your partner. But very often when you fail in such responsibilities your partner may blame you and it may end in permanent breakup. Each person who commits a relationship should be well aware of its responsibilities. Such things make your life worth for sure. So, love that change and wait to see what your life is giving you in return instead of running away from those responsibilities. Instead of seeing them as burdens enjoy such responsibilities as small challenges.
Marriage acts can’t be played with a single string
A marriage will result in a divorce if it acts as a radio with a single speaker and silent listener. Marriage won’t be successful if it’s played by a single string. If a sweet voice is to be produced, it needs both of them to sing a duet. A single string will produce only un-noticed voice.
Very often faults may start with a single person and the other person silently suffers for a while. But it won’t last too long and will result in an outburst. Both strings need to play a tune uniformly to keep the relationship green and fresh. Encourages, comforts and adjustments are needed from both ends.
Ego and superiority kill the relationship
“I won’t beg before him or request for his help”, in ego feelings very often couple tries to express their superiority over the other person without thinking about its consequences. It will result in further collisions leading to a breakup. Majority of relations end in such thoughts. If any one of them adjusts the situation the problem can be solved comfortably. But it won’t be the right solution always. If anyone bends before the other person always, the other person may exploit the situation every time. This system of adjustment may keep up the relationship without breaking, but with no happiness from the side who sacrifices always. Marriage is successful only if both the partners are happy in being with the other’s company. Tomorrow or day after tomorrow he/she begins to think, “Why should I sacrifice always?” and if he/she objects something the other person may not handle the situation suitably.
When he is repeating the same mistake always for the happiness of his/her spouse, the other person thinks that, ‘I am right’ and he/she will exploit in the same way. So a single can turn to a big explosion later. So patiently withstanding the partner’s mistake doesn’t mean he/she is doing a great thing. Mistakes are to be corrected today or tomorrow. So it’s better to correct the partner through wise decisions and love rather than obeying the order and exploding to it quickly. Today or tomorrow a resistance moment happens when he/she begins to think, “Why should I obey him/her always?” after that he/she may not withstand even simple mistakes. The last stage of patience is often explosion. So it’s better to understand the limitations and defects of the other person, forgiving his small mistakes and correct the big ones if possible, through wise paths.
Love and marriage stay in faith for each other
Many marriages end when a third person comes in between the two. A wife or husband may forgive and forget any mistake committed by the partner but he/she will never withstand a third person’s presence in their life. Marriage means a promise made between two persons for being each other’s property or possession till death parts them. A person will never withstand the situation if his spouse shares her love with someone else. Marriage gives extra security and protection to one’s life. Indirectly it says, “You own to me only and I can’t share you with someone else”. So if you want to stay in other person’s heart forever never open even a side window of your heart to someone else. Marriage exists in trust and faith and the day it’s gone everything will end.
Doubts and over possession
We like our spouse’ attitude of caring of even silly things. When he says, ‘you belong to me only and I protect you’, she sees a feeling of security in his eyes. But if it becomes over-possessive will she like it? It may be a burden to her, if he enters in each and every likes of hers. Such over-possession may often lead to doubts too.
Very often he may not withstand if sees his spouse talking to a person or expressing her love to her relatives. It’s true, marriage relations bind two persons together and gives a promise that he/she belongs to the other person forever. But it doesn’t mean they should disconnect themselves from the society and contract to a world belonging to them and their kids only. They should openly communicate with society and the other person should never see it with suspicious eyes. Instead try to the see the world through his eyes. Your doubts will melt within seconds. Simple doubts can lead to great troubles later. Trust and love your partner with sincerity.
Never make your love a burden to your partner. By mixing it with over-possessiveness your partner will surely hate it even if you love him sincerely.
Healthy sexual relationship
Couples may have a lot of indifferences. But they often melt when they have healthy sexual relationship. Sexual relationship is nothing but expression of love, respect and loyalty to each other. If couples drag their quarrels to bedroom and see it as a weapon that marriage will be a disaster for sure. Friendly talks and small jokes in privacy can surely melt those ice bergs that cause hindrance to their relationship. Give a little time to discuss daily activities too. It will surely increase the bond between couples and helps to know each other and their activities better.
Be faithful to your life partner and never bring a third person in between. Let secrets between couples remain so in between them. Never share such things to a third person.
No secrets between couples
It’s better to discuss everything with your partner before doing something. Life before marriage is not at all significant but, after marriage is very important. Never hesitate to reveal secrets in front of your spouse. Hiding of even silly things can often lead to divorce in future. So, why can’t you tell it today itself?
Persons outside the family are just outsiders
Very often interference of friends and relative sin the life of a couple can lead to many clashes and breakups. Often it worsens the problems further. So, in plain words, likes and preferences of life partner is more important. If he/she feels that his/her spouse gives more importance to third person’s words more it may lead to explosions. That’s the reason why in laws and daughter in law problems are common in every home. When a third party tries to support anyone of them it worsens the problem only.
It’s always better to find a solution by couples themselves. If not able to reach a solution after the debate, you can seek a third person’s opinion. But always remember he can’t read your minds as plain as you two can. Yet in some situations, the opinion of a well-experienced person proves significant. But assure that he should never be partial in his opinions or reactions and should take wise decisions beneficial for both. Also both the partners should agree to make him the third party.
So, couples please listen to my words before taking a decision.
Do the best so that you deserve to expect the same thing in return - A marriage becomes successful when he/she gives more preference to his life partner than his personal happiness. If both persons are able to do so, then nothing is to be worried. They can turn out to be the best role models for many other quarrelling couples. The day when at least one of them begins to think about his/her personal benefits, the problem may get started.
So, if you want your partner to do things according to your happiness then give him the most pleasing moments of your life. Otherwise how can you expect it back? Expect what you actually deserve. When your expectations go beyond the boundaries the relationship may break even for silly reasons. Give more and expect only love, sincerity and support in return. You need nothing else to keep a relationship alive.
Wear and tear and fade outs – Very often relations end suddenly if it has lost spark it between. Repetitive daily routines make you feel bored. So, go for an outing every week and a holiday trip once in a year. It will surely boost up your energy and increase your bond in between. When such trips bring a lot of lovely moments to your life, its fragrance stays alive at least for a year till your next holiday trip. Try to bring changes to your daily life style and sexual life too, so that it won’t appear as if you are working as per a fixed timetable.
Spend time with your partner – Spending time together can really bring you closer. But if it’s not used properly it may be those ‘blessed hours’ of quarrels too. A few lovely moments of togetherness is always better than hours of quarrels, conflicts and restlessness though spend together. Give importance to small jokes along with future plans of life and kid’s career rather than being engaged in a serious discussion of future. Watch television or listen radio with him/her and enjoying those moments leaving all worries behind. That time is known as ‘quality time’, where a partner reserves full time for his/her spouse. Take things lightly during those moments.
Respect each other and do appreciate often – No relationship stays alive if it’s not given proper attention or deserved appreciation. When you are respecting your partner, his activities and decisions, you are respecting yourself. After marriage, you two together form a single entity. So everything affecting your partner belongs to you too. A relation is at the best till each partner thinks in the same manner. If so, he will feel happy for his partner’s successes and worries if she has met with some failures of life. Why often couple fails to understand this simple logic of a true relationship? If not, why can’t you think of those benefits that you can receive in return in response to a single word of appreciation or a feeling of respect or happiness towards the other, in your eyes?
You two and two only – Be loyal to your partner and never allow even the shadow of a third person in your life. Also, trust your partner with your heart and love him sincerely. He will not be able to go out of the bounds of your love chain to the arms of a third person.
If thoughts of breakup attack your mind – If you quarrel with your partner, you may blame yourself for choosing him. But just for a moment think about your honeymoon days. How close you have been, how easily you used to read his mind and emotions, how easily you were able to comfort him and how strong your love relationship was! Just think for a while, is it easy to throw him out of your world when your whole world revolves around him, that also for simple reasons or your happiness. You shared everything with him, including your successes and sorrows. In his presence, your successes echoed more beautiful and sorrows lessened its mildness. How many roles have you played in your life – as a joker or as a lovely partner to see him smiling! How many sacrifices has he done for you when you were going through the bad phases of your life or career! How many times you have joined in hands to fight a trouble together! Is it easy to let go such a valuable person from your life? By doing so, you are harming and destroying yourself even after fighting and getting ‘those divorce papers’ in hand.
Never think about society or what people say about you. Just think if you will remain happy after such a split and if loving people around you are smiling. Hear your heart than others’ words before taking such important decisions. Today they discuss your matter; tomorrow when they get another sensational news, they leave you and get hold of that new matter. So, no one is going to stay with you; you need to do everything for yourself. And if you have kids, they are going to suffer it most as they won’t get father and mother love equally. They learn bad lessons from your life too!
I never deny the fact that divorces are often the only solution if the person chosen is really wrong. But it’s not a feasible solution always because a married life can often change a beast to human. It also happens breakup of a relationship can change a human to an animal! It depends on the love and sincere heart of his better part to become successful in this effort or not.
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