Marriage is a social ceremony. A new couple of one man and a woman start their new life from here. It holds differently in various cultures but most common thing is that a new comer (generally bride) enters in a new home with her husband. Husband is comfortable there as he remains familiar with the other members of that family. The atmosphere of that family and society are completely new to that wife. She doesn’t know about the culture and the rules of that family. She gets father-in-law, mother-in-law and some relation like brother and sister. She has to start everything newly. Herer there is some responsibilities of every body including husband and wife to adjust with the new atmosphere. A girl spends from her birth in her father’s home. There parents build the base with proper education and culture. Up to marriage she follows and remains familiar of that family. Some times parents do not allow their child to work at home but after marriage mostly she has to work in kitchen to satisfy her husband and other family members. After that she has to help her children in their studies and daily works. Here she may do some mistakes.

Mostly in many families it is seen that there are some tension between mother-in-law and daughter in law. May be not in all families but it is common in many families.

Cause:

Mainly if already there is an adult member (mainly mother-in-law) who have been controlling that house still now, then problem may be happened. It turns to a popular egoistic war of a family between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to establish their control and superiority.

Before marriage a mother controls everything at her home. She decorates that house with her own test. She also maintains everything according as per wish. Her son also acts many times what she wants. But after marriage when a new female comes, the son has to look after her. The new comer has also some demands and taste. She also wants to make that home as per taste. From here the dispute started. The mother can not leave her control easily on her son and family. She can not leave her power. This psychology is common in most cases. She expects the emotional involvement of her son as like as before. Hence the son or that groom has some responsibilities.

Also there is a generation gap between those two female. Economical condition may be a cause. Now generation has changed. Some times we go to take our dinner in out side or go to cinema or to take refreshment in outside, which might be a dream to a mother in that generation. Thus a mother-in-law feels insecure at that time.

A mother allows her son to marry expecting that the son would be connected with her in care and respect. But if the new comer also wants the same involvement from her husband then the war starts. This may be critical situation to a son and the result depends on how he handles the situation?
In our country India has its own culture. We love to stay in a joint family. So many times we live with a strong adjustment. This quarrel is common in most families. Sometimes mother-in-law wins, sometimes daughter in-law. But to maintain our religious prestige and culture we live together forgetting everything.

If it continues:

Though it is not our culture but many times we have seen that many parents are going to old age home. Some goes willingly but many are forced to go. They want always so that their son may live peacefully.

Many times wife gives more intension to her own parents above the groom’s parents. She wants to see that she have won her husbands mind. This may also create an ego problem.

Now some duties of daughter-in-law:

• She should realize that she also will be a mother-in-law in future. Our children learn from our behaviors.
• Wife should understand the needs and sentiments of the mother. She should behave with her so that the mother can think that she is her daughter and not in-law.
• Listen to her and if she says some wrong try to speak politely and help her to understand logically.
• Behave as the son is her but also he is your husband.
• Share some good moments with her and give some gifts on her happy moments.

Responsibilities of mother-in-law:

Mother also has some responsibilities regarding this.

• She should understand that the bride is a new comer and has come from a different culture. She may do some mistakes. Try to help her and behave as she is your own.
• Mother-in-law should understand that the generation has changed and it is a new era which is more fast and advanced.
• Talk with love and never use bad language.
• Don’t compare her with other woman.
• After all she is also a daughter of some parents and she may have some duties and respect to them.

Role of a son:

Son plays an important role here. If he is not able to play this role properly, he may be treated as culprit. Parents are also important to him and wife with children are also. He should not give priority to one side only. He has some responsibilities to both sides.

• Give importance to both. If any dispute arises, try to solve without blaming anybody. Show fault logically and not rudely.
• Give times to both and share any happy moment taking all together.
• Generation is different, so tolerate with it.
• Give interest in parent’s life also, as they are aged than you.
• Respect everybody as it is most important to all.
• Take care of every bodies need. Especially to parents as they may feel more insecure.

The worst result may come:

House quarrel is not expected in any situation and condition. It may damage the common harmony of a family. If the war is ended with a win of someone, then it may be a worst event. If mother or parents win then the marriage relation with wife may end. If wife wins then parents may be forced to go to an old age home. Again if it continues with no end then the position of the son will be damaged. Even he may commit suicide.

Conclusion

So in any circumstances this egoistic war is not expected. Live peacefully and help to live peacefully with a smooth and wonderful relationship. That family remains happier when there is no tension of quarrel.

• Written by RAM PROSAD ACHARYYA.
• In category Home & Family.
• 11 years ago.

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