Maintaining Relationships Is Not Easy !
Probably one of the most dfficult tasks in our life is to maintain the many relationships that we are born into and later acquire as we progress in life. Many people feel that it takes a life time to understand all those who are close to us, so understanding others is not an easy task by an means . Inter prsonal relationships are important in life and one should also take certain factors into consideration while dealing with people. Most importantly one should be ready to make allowances and make compromises depending on the situation and crcumstances.
Change is the essence of life
Once people realise that everything in life changes including relationships between close family members, which is but a natural process of life, things automatically fall into place.
It is the failure to understand this that leads to many unhappy and often unnecessarily complicated situations in life. Most people expect others to remain the same all through their life, although they themselves may have undergone a change in their perceptions and the way they deal with people around them. This is due to a certain lack in their own perception about others. So it is wiser to look at things in a practical manner, viewing a relationship from all angles before taking any drastic decision.
It is a cycle that all human beings have to go through and one should understand this and deal with it in such a way that there is positive outcome and as long as it remains positive it definitely enhances and makes life happy. In fact we can see it happening with relatives - some of the times things change for the better but when there are property and money matters involved the impact may be negative and the relationship suffers. We also realise that every single relationship undergoes a change - be it between a couple, parents and children , siblings ,cousins and other relatives or between friends. So, Change is inevitable and one should welcome it and grow with it. If we get stuck in a grove, the chances are that we get bored with life or get left behind. I am reminded of n old song sung by Kishore kumar ' Are bhai nikhal ke aa ghar se...Duniya nikhal gayi pyaare !
Giving Space in a relationship
We need to give space in any relationship , among couple and when it concerns our children as long as couple grow together and appreciate this fact, it helps their bond grow stronger. But this also can cause friction with one of the partners not liking the change or because the change in their personality has not contributed positively to the marriage. So any change within a marriage should be definitely positive otherwise it can cause problems.
With regard to children - What is important is that your children are making their own place in the world and being responsible, nothing else matters !dealing with grown up children has to be done with sensitivity and care because they need our support and love. One can develop a rapport right from the early years which really helps as they grow older. Most parents only think of dominating and controlling their children without realising that after they grow up they are free thinking individuals in their own right. In spite of this fact most parents end up becoming demanding and possessive of their children little realising that it is only going to make matters worse for both themselves and the children as well, you end up having friction all the time, whereas with a little understanding it is possible to lead happier lives.
Communication is a very powerful tool in relationships and this tool if , used wisely can help in enhancing relationships .It is wise to remember that life is a learning process and we have to take life as it comes each day and each minute. Life is short and before you know it is over so make the most of it. Having said that this is also true of our relationships.There is no point on in holding on - let go and let people lead lives as they wish !
Why do relationships fail ?
We see that many relationships change drastically with time and many a times are not able to stand the test of time. So one wonders why do relationships fail?Failure as we all know is there in every walk of life and so also in relationships. We also know that different circumstances and interactions play different roles in either strengthening or breaking down our relationships. In human society there are always changes and undercurrents , all of which affect a person and his inter personal relationships.
Parents and Children come under pressure and break off for the flimsiest of reasons. This, after all the world hailing the Parent - Child relationship as the strongest there is ! The same goes for sibling rivalry and relationship between a couple and friends.They all become stronger after they go through many upheavals and come out of it intact!
Making amends
There is a saying ‘Speech of yourself ought to be seldom and well chosen’ , however most of the time this clearly remains in writing only! We are waiting to rave and rant at the slightest opportunity and go on and on about the misdeeds and shortcomings of the other person and the damage is done. Words can make or mar relationships .
When we are particular about maintaining our relationships we also need to work at it. Once in a while it is better to go into deep analysis and review all the important relationships in our lives and make changes as and when necessary.
We all make mistakes in life and may make the same mistakes again and again in life . It has happened with me and I am still learning from my many mistakes. As long as you realise and accept your mistakes ,there is always scope for change and you don't need to feel guilty. Making amends when you get an opportunity would definitely help, since we are all human and we all make many mistakes in life since no one is born perfect. It helps to put the past behind and look forward to what life has to offer !
Having too many expectations from others
People do have some expectations from others close to them which seems to be a natural trait in human beings . But where does one draw the line? This can lead to a lot of unhappiness and the relationship can suffer when there are too many expectations. Anything in life has to be mutual, in fact we see our entire life made up of actions and reactions. One has to be careful while dealing with other people however close one may feel to them. People can react in a totally unexpected manner and it is hard to find an explanation except to look within oneself.
Life is made up of give and take and this brings in expectations. Like for example a person may want his/her children to do well in life, but when they fail it may make the individual unhappy or distressed. The only way he/she can overcome this is by being philosophical about it. On the other hand, if many such incidents take place in their life it can lead to a lot of unhappiness. Here it depends on what kind of expectations you have from people and how close you are to people and what your relationship is with them.. Life teaches you not to have too many expectations from any one . In fact, the earlier one learns this , the better . We can see relationships sour or suffer because of people having expectations from others.
Modern times
Technology, different means of communication have actually become a barrier in our personal lives. In many homes, people switch on the Television or computer as soon as they reach home , thereby putting an end to all possibilities of beginning a conversation with people of your own family.
It can cause a lot of friction between spouses or other members of the family if a person is constantly in front of the computer neglecting all other responsibilities and commitments..Even the lifestyle of school kids and teenagers is totally different. They have no time for parents and relatives being busy with their friends, TV or the internet . We seem to behave like strangers in our own homes.
Hence, we see in many households there is more formal tone in conversations and there is not much time or opportunity for interactions. I feel that relationships are becoming strained and we need to make a conscious effort to control the situation before it is too late. With families becoming nuclear, there is not much interaction between the wider circle of family members unlike the olden times when all were part of one big happy family..
Conclusions
Relationships do take up a lot of effort from all people concerned and unless each one of us contribute positively there is no future for any relationship. It can mean every kind of relationship that an individual has with his close family, relatives or friends.
Communication is the key to a relationship and here too it has to be the right kind of communication. One should also bear in mind that you should not have any reason to go out of your way to maintain relationships that are difficult to maintain in the first place and may not add any quality to your life style ( it can differ from a person to person) , it is better to live with dignity and self respect without going out our way to accommodate people who are difficult , instead concentrate on those that are dear to you..
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