Man Sitting Alone in ParkHave you ever felt lonely?

Do you remember the emotions and feelings associated with it?

Awful and depressing! Wasn’t it?

Has anyone wondered why this feeling of loneliness comes in?  

You must have heard this phrase since childhood- humans are social animals, so naturally we are not supposed to be alone. Nobody wants to be lonely and alone. A feeling of not being liked or wanted by anybody scares a lot of people. 

Technologies like mobile phone and the internet have brought the world closer. Social medias like Facebook and Twitter has increased the engagement of people with each other, yet there is something missing. Even with all the social media and different forms of entertainment to keep ourselves occupied with, people are feeling lonelier than ever. There is a constant search to find someone or something to share our feelings with. 

The compromises you make to escape loneliness.

  • Being stuck in a bad relationship because you are afraid of not finding anyone else.
  • The biggest reason for many people to get married is the fear of loneliness and yet even after marriage, this feeling doesn't go away or sometimes even worse if you married the wrong person this feeling will grow even stronger.  
  • Peer pressure is a prime reason most youngsters start smoking and drinking: to be a part of the group and not become an outcast. 

Have you noticed, alone and lonely seems to be interchangeable?

If you look at the Webster’s definitions:

Lonely - Being without company

Alone – separated from others

If you look at it rationally, both mean the same thing. 

But, if you understand, these seemingly same things are radically different.

Loneliness makes you depressed and aloneness empowers you. 

Loneliness is a miserable feeling of emptiness and we are constantly struggling to fill this void with new people or new distractions.    

Aloneness is a feeling of calmness and peacefulness. You don't fear your own company. This is a very powerful and liberating feeling. When you get comfortable with yourself, you are like a free soul. You have the power to experience the true freedom devoid of any fear of acceptance or rejections from others. The pressure of social acceptance will fade away.         

The society in general or sometimes even your loved ones will still see you as miserable. They don't understand the difference between being alone and being lonely. They view your life through their lenses. 

The funny thing is that they will try to convince you that you are miserable; it's just that you don't know it. 

Being alone liberates you from all the different faces you have to wear when you are with people. It allows you to really know yourself for who you are without being judged. 

When you are alone without any distractions, you can observe the kind of thoughts you get about different things, be it negative or positive. Once you get comfortable with yourself, you can control your emotions; be it hyper enthusiasm or utter depression or mad love for someone. You will start to see that emotions are something that you can control and not the other way round. 

This will have a tremendous benefit in every walk of your life. You can make more rational decisions. Be it a break-up or an argument with your boss or colleague, you will be able to handle the situation with way more maturity; rather than letting your emotions take control of you and throwing yourself into depression or rage. It doesn’t matter what the situation is, you will always find yourself in control of it.

When you are calm and peaceful in your heart and mind, the creative juices start flowing. You will start to see opportunities which you couldn’t notice before for being pre-engaged with all the emotional chaos going on inside you. 

Most people are always searching for some kind of goal or purpose for their lives. They travel to different countries in order to find themselves, but can’t find anything, because they are looking everywhere but not within. 

In order to find what you truly want from your life, you will have to spend time with yourself, to dig deeper into your own being, leaving behind all the pressures and expectations of your loved ones and society. 

Things that you will feel like doing when there is a profound calmness within you, is a definite path to a successful life. Don’t try to suppress those sounds with societal logics like, is there enough money in this or will people accept this decision of mine. 

Let’s take an example

There are many who feel that writing is a lonely job and always advise writers to go out more and interact with people in order to avoid loneliness. If a writer feels this way, then he will never be truly into his craft because he will be uncomfortable with his own thoughts. Maybe that’s why many bloggers advice to find a coffee shop to sit and write. 

Once you understand that this is not loneliness or solitude, but a time spent with the most important person in your life, you will feel like it to be a meditation. Going deep within yourself to find the gems of words and ideas to put on paper, which gives a deep feeling of satisfaction without looking for the future profits or benefits you can get from becoming a writer. 

When you do something that you truly enjoy then you won’t crave for anyone’s acceptance or think if someone cares for you or not. The only person whose loyalty and caring you should crave for is yourself.

Don’t be scared of yourself. Embrace yourself as you are but always try to improve, not for someone’s approval, but to take yourself to a new horizon to see beyond and realize the endless possibility that life has to offer when you are in harmony with the life within. You will stop looking for happiness in big houses and expensive cars or have a high status is society. Yes, those things will matter, but not to an extent, that you will compromise your core values and beliefs.

Photo source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Man_Sitting_Alone_in_Park.jpg          

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Written by
Abhishek Dass
Know who you are, and be it. Know what you want, and go out and get it!

People in this conversation

  • A well written article about an important human feeling. I totally agree that one should not just assume that those who are alone would be lonely. I myself like to spend some times alone everyday. It sort of rejuvenate me.

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