Review on the article
Indian Independence vs my school
Hai Rajkumar,
Since this is your first article I am reviewing,I have given a detailed correction.Next article onwards,I will give only suggestions :)
‘INDIAN INDEPENDENCE Vs My school ‘
Your title suggests that you are going to explain the difference between India’s Independence to that of your School;but your article does not mention it.You change it to
’INDEPENDENCE DAY IN MY SCHOOL’
THE DAY WE ARE MOST PROUD OF
We are proudly counting the days as for the holy country India we are expecting our 'proud to be of' day that is the day we got INDEPENDENCE you are repeating the words ,hence it should be
’for the ‘holy county’ India,we Indians proudly count the days nearing the much awaited day-the day India achieved her Independence”
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Yes......I'm really proud to be an Indian, as well you are and we are.....as I'd like to do some lecture about our HOLY day. In writtern English,a full stop denotes the end of a statement.Generally,at the end of the statement of any article or a poem,we can write a continuity full stop,but not at the Introduction of the article/poem.Your statement must be
’Yes,I am proud to be an Indian,so are you.I would like to tell a few things about this holiday.A lecture is spoken,not writtern.
Well....everyone know that we got Independence on August 15,1947. Indians celebrate their Independence Day on the 15th of every AugustYou have repeated your statement again,you must say
India achieved her Independence on August 15,1947 and henceforth Indians celebrate the Independence day on 15th of August every year.
. It is public holiday all over India.....to add more.....August 15 is the Day that none in India would ever hate or even try to reject itRajkumar,I have not understood this statement yet.”None in India would ever hate or even try to reject- what?”
Please clarify this statement.
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Since I'm from Tamilnadu and I've had such wonderful and exciting stories happened on August 15 during my school days.......well actually I miss my school...I'll explain it to you all.,can be changed to,
”I have had such wonderful and exciting stories happening on August 15th during my school days in Tamil Nadu;which I really miss.I will narrate a few”
So when I was in sixth standard thats when I got shifted to N.G.R school actually it was the day I came to know about India, the country I'm living in.can be changed to
I was in Sixth Standard when I was shifted to N.G.R School. that was the day I knew about India, the country I am living in
The day before August 15th we asked to come to school tomorrow exactly at 8:00 A.M, so we could come and decorate our school and our classes You have to change here the active voice to passive voice.you can say
the day before to our Independence day,we were asked to come early to our School at 8 am on the independence day;to lend a helping hand for the decorations of our class rooms
. Lots of interesting things happened on that day, when my class repesentative popped a balloon filled with cut papers on my social studies subject teachers she got a little bit scared and then we all laughed suddenly, as it was the August 15 we were allowed more independence you have to give clear pauses in your sentences.you can say
”lots of amusing things happened that day;my class representative burst a balloon filled with cut papers on my social studies teacher,where she got a little bit scared and all of us laughed also remembering that we were allowed a little more independence on that day”
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And I also remember the drawing I drew on the board, it really was funny, just imagine a man kicking a football whose hair style is like Superman's with S hair sliding on the front of his four head......it was real funny.....but my classmates and teachers appreciated me for what I've done.... can be changed to
I also drew a caricature of a figure who kicked football with hairstyle like superman’s with hair sliding like an ‘s’ on his forehead-on the board;which I eventually remember.My friends and teachers appreciated me for that”
Then it was time to start the prayer we all were assembled and the chief guest arrived......the flag was hoisted and we all saluted honourably as when "Jana Gana Mana" our national anthem was telecasted in the loud speaker. Then the chief guest gave a little lecture about our country and how it got freedom and he wanted us to be a trust worthy citizen then some SWEETS were distributed. can be writtern as
It was time for the prayer to start and we assembled at the ground.When the chief guest arrived,there was flag hoisting and we saluted our Flag as the National Anthem was being played.The chief guest gave a speech about our country and how she achieved freedom.He also told us to be a trust worthy citizen.After the speech was sweets distribution
And then the teachers told us to go home and return that same evening for some cultural events. Huhmmmmm........It makes me cry when i think of the earlier days.......then that day we really enjoyed a lot can be changed to
And then the teachers told us to go home and return the same evening for some cultural events.We really enjoyed that evening;when I think about it,it bring tears to my eyes.I eagerly would wait for independence day at school
