Buliding up the conversation(part 5)
Frustrated Conversation
Any talk is not conversation. Many people who can talk endlessly hardly may be called conversationalists. Conversation is indeed an art; it requires skill, balance, knowledge, foresight. One should therefore aim at becoming a good conversationalist who would be much sought after in company.
A Bad Conversationalist
Conversationalist may be good or bad. The bad conversationalists may be branded as such for more than one reason. Conversationalists have the habit of starting a topic with plenty of gusto and spirit, forgetting it at the very first interruption, whether that the serving of refreshment or the entrance of a new guest. One may imagine and the latter’s consternation on finding that the conversationalists has completely lost track of what he was saying.
This is very frustrating for a person who takes conversation seriously. He may start with the subject of buying and selling in the market in the context of narrating some of his own experiences, but suddenly veer to the quality of goods. Then he remembers ah next time they come to his house, they must see it, etc, ad nauseum. It goes without saying that such a conversation is frustrating and is clearly a waste of time for both speaker and listener.
Monopolizing the Talk
A secret wish exists in everybody to monopolize a conversation and be the centre of attraction of the group. This, of course is against the spirit of conversation, but we seldom have control over our subconscious inclinations, and it is often difficult to restrain oneself at the height of interest that we may have created in narrating something dramatic. A good conversationalist must know when to stop.
There are speakers who have the ability to tackle one topic after another with uniform efficiency and skill, and despite their monopolizing the conversation, they hold the interest of their audience. Even then the rules of conversation lay down that they give other persons a chance to speak, so that the conversation can proceed in a proper manner.
Disqualification
In conversation, the effect is more important than the process or method adopted. The first disqualification, in line with this argument for any person in a group, is not to be able to express clearly what he wishes to say. With reasonable intelligence, any person can comment on the subject under discussion. If a person is too self-centered or considers himself above those with whom he is conversing, he will not take the trouble to make his ideas clear to those around him.
The second disqualification is a one track mind, that which concerns the person himself. The moment another starts to say something else, the former either loses interest or rudely interrupts the latter’s speech.
Boredom
Boredom is a common state in a man’s life which he has to bear alone. In conversation, the boredom that may creep in will affect different persons in different ways in different degrees. This is an extreme case but it is not unusual for a person to feel fatigued if called upon to sit through a boring function or converse even for a short while.
On the other hand there is the lively person whose good cheer helps him survive adverse situations and if in the midst of boring conversation, he will look at it with humour, and throw in a few good or bad jokes here and there, trying to make the best of a bad job. The thing to do under the circumstances is to withstand it with all the grace one is capable of without jeopardizing one’s sanity. Such a person will try to take in as much knowledge as is possible from the conversation, while his practiced adaptability will keep his nerves under control.
Lack of Effect
A conversation can only have the desired effect on the participants if it is manipulated expertly. If it is left to take care of itself, it will move this way or that without any claim or qualitative level of achievement. If one person is in the wrong, it is easy to rectify the situation if there is understanding and co-operation among the others, but if this cohesion is absent, that one person can foil the very purpose of the conversation by his words and behavior.
We have to think about the effect that is produced by the conversation. If it is taking place among friends, the effect naturally has to be common joy interspersed with humour, goodwill and pleasure all round. Thus there are religious conversations, scientific and technical conversations; all such conversation have different norms, which having been established, produce a good effect and which not being observed frustrate the possibility of a good effect.
Monologue
A monologue or soliloquy is differentiated from a dialogue in that it consists in taking to oneself. While in a group, a person may still indulge in a monologue if he talks without being interrupted. Nobody answers him because none is expected to. All become silent listeners.
A monologue is not a conversation though a definition is not easy to give. Such a monologue may well stand on the same footing as a conversation; it is a form of conversation wherein the listeners are not taking part but are merely looking on and listening. A monologue constitutes a disqualification in a conversation when a person having no proper or thorough knowledge of the topic that he has introduced may go on speaking in a vague sort of way. He may think aloud, as it were. For all practical purposes, this type of slow speech is an impediment to the achievement of the conversational goal.
Purpose of Conversation
What is the necessity or purpose of conversation? One talks for the sake of talking without considering where the talk is leading. If a person has to devote much of his time finding the object of the conversation, he may s well not commence it at all. Such a conversation instead of providing him with entertainment or a means of relaxation will only constitute a burden to him.
Thus, to adjust a conversation to a purpose does not necessarily mean that it must be simplified or that the intellectual level brought down. This is one of the ways in which mental diversion can be had and a change from everyday work effected. But conversations sometimes carried on without any base, rhyme or reason, and in such conversation, people merely chatter uselessly. This is not only valueless but also time and energy consuming. Those who lend their ears to such conversations profit in no way.
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