Inter Personal Relationships are Vital Connections
Inter Personal Relationships are Vital Connections
As social beings it is very essential and important for an individual to build and nurture the many relationships in one's life .This is an on going process and hence it is all the more important to know some basic facts. When we ask ourselves what role do relationships play in our life ? It may not be easy or one may not find a common answer to this question. It very much depends on what sort of a person you are because to some individuals relationships are paramount, and all other aspects such as work,fame ,status and creativity take a second place .To others this equation may be reversed. For them work and the thrill of pushing things to the cutting edge always scores over uncertain pleasures and pains of maintaining relationships. Similarly for some money matters the most or it may be popularity and fame depending on their personalities.
When we look at relationships in an objective manner , we see that they do affect the way we live our lives at least to a certain extent. ! Most people have misconceptions about the success of relationships , they seem to think that it happens by chance and luck has something to do with it. But the success of relationships do not happen by chance , but happens because we make the decision and work towards it to make it successful ..
What are Relationships in the first place ?
Relationships define our ability to connect with other parts of the universe. Although we tend to limit this word to our inter personal relationships with other human beings , the term also has a broader meaning that can involve animals,plants,birds ,your computer or even your car, and why not ?since we spend so much time with them.
What is common to all relationships is the need to recognise the other. Like for example : One can have no relationship with the environment if you are oblivious of it , the same is the case with your pet dog if you are not even aware of its presence . If We walk through fields, grounds,meadows busy chatting on our cell phone without even becoming aware of our surroundings , we have little connection with our surroundings.Why I bring this issue is to make the point that it is vital to stay connected with everything around you.
Making connections with others and recognising their uniqueness , no matter however fleetingly is an enriching experience...
Some ground rules
1, First of all we need to be sensitive and aware of them , meaning we should take an interest in them as people and not because of what they represent.
2, We should never try to build relationships based on our need or to fulfill some purpose of our own, such as making friends with the idea of getting some contract or a favor, marrying someone for the sake of the person's physical beauty and looks or wealth, even buying a dog with the idea of having someone to guard your property and belongings .
3, We need to focus on the welfare of the other person as well. In fact the more our focus moves away from our own needs,desires and feelings the greater scope there is for space and depth within a relationship.But this should be genuine not put on..
4, There should be total openness and authenticity within a relationship.One must go past the need to keep up pretences and project images. One should be totally open and give and receive one another without allowing any falsity for a relationship to work and be successful.
5, Relationships take us within ourselves and when we pursue them with sufficient intensity it can actually bring us to the threshold of self realisation.
Different kinds of relationships and reasons for failure
Prominent among them is the familial and marital also between friends and relatives. The lack of communication between two people can be both the cause and effect of a host of other problems that arise in relationships.One should remember that each individual brings in his/her own mindset into any relationship and when these expectations are not realsied tension breaks out between the two people , this can happen in a marriage or any other relationship as well.
The most common reason for the breakdown of any relationship - marital,familial or even friendship , is when the people involved take each other for granted.We expect the other person to be there for us and , to do things for us but we conveniently forget to thank and appreciate them for it.When spouses go all out to point out each others fault , most of the time they never show any appreciation for the love and the caring they have received. A cool acceptance of the extra effort put in by either of the partners as their due make them want to get even .This tendency can ruin a good realtionship.
When people are married for a long time , for 15 years 20 years or 25 years whether the marriage is happy or unhappy it becomes a way of life , they cannot imagine any other ! However, in their less than happy moments couple tend to think of different scenarios but with panic since they have forgotten what life was as an unmarried person.They also may think that their marriage could do with some polishing.This has to come from both the sides. All you do by arguing and fighting on a daily basis is to let the relationship corrode which is not healthy.
A few basic differences between the way men and women think and their approach towards some common issues.
Their relationships are based on these differences in their personalities and characteristics ! They say that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus ..
Men
1, Generally speaking a man's sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results !
2, Men prefer being alone when faced with major problems, they like to solve their problems alone.
3, Men feel motivated and empowered when they feel needed and wanted
4, Most men want space and would argue for the right to be free
5, If a woman doesnt ask for support a man normally assumes that he is giving enough
Women
1, A Woman's sense of self on the other hand is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships.
2, When faced with problems women tend to get together and talk openly about their problems.
3, Women feel motivated and empowered when feel cherished and wanted like men( the only point where they seem to have similar needs)
4, More than space women want understanding and reassurance .
5, Most women feel that love is never having to ask for anything.
So we can see the biological differences which, unless tackled with care and uunderstanding can lead to major misunderstandings. Building Relationships is not an easy task and one should remember that to love and to be able to love is truly a gift , perhaps one of the best gifts of all. Like someone once said - I would rather have relationships ,problems and little or no money than have lots of money,no problems and no relationships .
When we surround ourselves with a network of authentic relationships within which we are nurtured as well as nurture , we experience a security and a great joy that few achievements can equal. We derive our meaning and commitment in the service of these relationships and in keeping them through thick and thin.
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