Does one ever marry a boyfriend ?
Getting married is not a debate, it is something every girl and boy eventually do. Man being a social being needs a companion. However there are different ways companion are chosen. Online, Marriage Bureau, The mom's network, Relatives. Love Marriage. Before the final stage of companionship takes place. A lot of under work training takes place. A lot of this training is given to girls in India.
Most common sentences heard by a mom would be.
- You are a girl , so much attitude is not good for you.
- Don't show her so much luxury, eventually she has to go to her husbands house how will she adjust.
- You are a girl learn to adjust .
- You should not argue so much, all this anger will land you in trouble one day.
- If this is how you are going to continue, your husband will soon leave you back with me.
All these statements, as innocent they look are extracts of experience by every married women, every mother who wishes for her daughter to leave happily with her husband , teaches her a lot of things like cooking, cleaning, keeping the house well. But more than anything the mothers try to tell the girl she needs to adjust and never complain. This was a formula to successful marriage until a few years back.
Chance being the only constant thing in the universe, this formula got a lot of deviations. Girls started working and earning equal to the guys, including they guy they may marry. Girls started working 3rd shifts, They started going to discos, late nights. A girl knows how a beer tastes, she knows how much alcohol a Berrzer contain. A girl knows what is investing in the market, they can debate on which stock is better than the other. Man lost a lot of ground to monopoly due to, all the chances that have taken place off late. Marriage is still believed to be a mans word and women's sacrifice, However there is an alternate solution that was found to break this rule. The increase in love marriages.
Love is a feeling, it is no calculation, no politics, no formula. It is " I love you." It is the butterfly effect that happens in once stomach after seeing a guy walk into the induction room. It is the your eyes following one guy and keeping a tab of this guy's activities. It is the sleepless and anxious nights that go, waiting for the day to begin so you can meet the someone special. Love is formed by emotions. As girls and boys socialise more than before, the love disease has spread in a greater proportion and made almost everyone around a victim. Every girl has a boyfriend, every guy is always looking for a girl friend.
This love disease, results in creation of couples, These couples start to talk, gossip, roam and some go an extra mile and live with each other in the same house and then decide if they want to live with each other forever and after. Most of these couples, dream not plan.
What are these dreams, They dream about being happy forever, and being with each other and happy forever. The smile that never disappears in their 2 hours meeting every days. They dream that this smile will never leave them, it will always stay with them. All these couples feel they will be able to create an example in the society of how happy couples are . They feel they love each other so much that nothing can ever come between them. They will never have any arguments because they understand each other. They feel they will never have any problems and even if they do they will be able to solve it because they love each other. Everything is a dreamy picture where they are holding hands and flying in clouds smiling. Girls more than any one else dream holding hands of their beloved and getting married and living happily ever after. They feel they will get an equal status as their husband in the marriage, because they are working, earning. And this sweet guy they are with will never try to dominate them or be unfair in anyway. They feel if they marry the guy choosen by their parents, They can never know if he is right for them, and they will never be able to create a chemistry with a guy they have meet just two days back.
The couples in love move towards marriage. There is the normal argument with mother and fathers who don't prefer the love marriage. The couples come out of the shell and get the point of view about how the world feels about their pair. A variety of point of view produce numerous statements, that this dreamy couple never thought about. They start to discover, the flause of their pair. They start looking at each other differently. They are not as sweet to each other as they were a couple of days back. The girl has hear her mom say the below
- He is working as an associate, doesnt even have his own property yet.
- He is so young/ so old how is going to take the responsibility of life
- How much does he earn
- What is his education
- What caste is he
- He doesn't look that good
- Does his parents agree
- What does his parents do
The boy has heard her mom point out the below.
- I can get so many better girls than her
- She is not from our caste
- What kind of girl is this, she has too much attitude
- What does her parents do
- So you plan to marry her without taking anything / She will come empty handed
- What will our relatives say
- You leave the girl, or you leave our house
- We have already seen a girl for you
- What have the parents made for her
These are the absolute worst case scenarios, a lot of marriages happen without any issues. However what happens next.
Due to the disliking of the parents, some quit the relation and decide to go with the parents choice. Some manage to be rebel's and make their affair a legal bond of marriage. However now the 2 hours or meeting is a 24 hours living zone. This zone requires house arrangement, a house, furniture. This living zone, has rent, water bill,electricity bill, phone bill, grocery. It has everything that the 2 hour meeting did not have. This zone has you seeing everything beyond your knowledge.
This living zone, does not run with love, its requires your energy to make it functional. You will have furniture that needs cleaning. Water that needs to be stored. Grocery that needs to be cooked everyday. There are payments that need to be made. Love doesn't change responsibility. Even if your boyfriend was an excellent cook. He will not cook everyday meal. The specific order in the restaurant and casual comments of your boy friend about things he does not eat, all those are now items you cant cook, even if you like eating them. This mild statement poiting "this dress does not suit you," is now an order to never get such clothes. His moms smile in the wedding about how, she talks too much, is now rude eyes asking you to keep quite.
The boyfriend you had decided to marry was
- Late only by few minutes, and always showed up to meet you. There was always a valid reason why he was late
- He use to take you to a good restaurant and order everything you liked, You never ordered much
- He use to buy you flowers, and dresses and everything all the time
- He was jealous of your friends, and told you so.
- He was the sweet guy, you came to pursue you after a argument or fight.
The man you married is
- Gets up late, he needs his tea and newspaper before you ask him to get up
- You have to iron his clothes so that he can go out. If not ironed he gets angry. Yes this boyfriend has anger
- This man, apparently likes the food made by his mom better than you, and expects you to learn from the mom
- This man, does not always do what you live and say
- He does not think of buying you anything anymore
- He has a budget that does not allow going to the restaurant all the time
- He doesn't come to pursue you after fights, he wont even realise you haven't had your food until you mention it after the fight.
The mother in law eventually tells you, you don't know what is happening in our house. She will eventually point out that your family did not give enough in marriage. The husband will agree with the mother in law. You will finally realise that everything that was true before marriage has changed after the day you married your boyfriend.
The difficulty of marriage don't change because you have a love marriage, they only take a new form. Its like this law on energy, that it cannot be created or destroyed just transferred from one form to another.There is no short cut to a succesful marriage, It requires hardwork, No matter what.
The boyfriend you marry, is also a man. Every man is a set of problems, by changing the man you only exchange a set of problems. You have to work hard on making relationships a success
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