Each kid is a blessing of God and he brings a lot of happiness with his birth. When we are playing with him, we forget our worries at least for a while. But parents develop anxiety in their mind as soon as their kid begins to grow. Family is the school of personality development of a kid. A kid carefully observes each and every activity of his parents and other members of his family and learns everything according to it. Those things that he implements in his life later are directly acquired from those observations that he learns before he reaches 5 years old.

Mental development of a kid is starting from fetal stage itself. It’s told in Mahabharata that Abhimanyu learnt everything from Krishna while his mother was carrying him in her womb. It’s absolutely true. His senses work well at this stage also and that’s the reason why it’s told, pregnant ladies should always remain happy during gestation period. He begins to learn about external world in mother’s womb itself and so, even minute thoughts and tensions of mother can deeply influence a kid’s mental development. Changes in mother can affect hormone production of kid and thus can adversely affect the healthy growth of the kid.

Till he reaches 5

A kid needs his parents’ caring and love till he reaches five years old. A kid is fully dependent on his parents at this time and his parents need to take care of everything. During this phase a kid imitates his parents most and observes them keen. As parents are their role models, they should behave well in front of their kid.

A kid learns his first lessons from what he observes and those things make a deep sketch in subconscious mind of him. That’s the reason why, though we forget the most recent events we often remember a lot of things from our early childhood. Since he observes his parents most, their behaviour and character make a great impact in kid’s mind and he never leaves those things even after reaching his old age.

Those lies are paid later by your kids

How many lies are we telling everyday, with knowledge or with our ignorance! If a call comes from bank, father asks kid to say, “Tell them I am not at home”. Before guests, how many lies are told by mother! Take care, such lies deeply influence the character development of your kid. He sees his parents as role models and when he see them telling lies, he think, “there is no fault in telling small lies” and such small lies can lead to big lies and mistakes in future. So, kids learn the first lesson of telling lies from their own parents. Then why should they be blamed for telling lies or given punishment for silly mistakes committed this way?

Most recently, a survey was conducted in a prison. 100 prisoners were selected and asked who is responsible for your crimes. 5% admitted the sin themselves, 15% blamed their teachers and surprisingly 80% prisoners said that their parents were responsible. This survey is enough to prove the influence of parents in the personality development of their kids.

No parent is making his kid a convict purposefully. But it happens through the imitation of bad habits of a kid’s parents. If parents love and respect each other and they are sincere in their relationship and commitments, no doubt, kids will learn a lot of good lessons from them. Also, he learns the first lessons of love, truth, sincerity and faith from them. That’s the reason why we often see many habits of parents repeating in their kids. Disciplined parents will have disciplined kids. Those who maintain a peaceful atmosphere in their family will have kids with good character, peace and good habits. Such kids surely show maturity at his early age itself. Such things can’t be taught through advices or punishments. Instead implement them in your life if you want your kid to grow as a good citizen of the society. Such kids will surely earn respect in their future.

Never reduce love and caring

Joint families have diminished from society giving rise to atomic families and the most important thing lost in this contraction is love and care from a group of family members. If both the parents are workings, kids need to spend their time in loneliness or in day care. When they lose the natural love and care of their parents it deeply influences his character a lot. Instead of learning good lessons from his parents he learns what his teacher teaches him. Such teachings and care can never replace mother’s love and affection.

Two decades back, grand parents used to take care of grand kids if parents are away. They used to teach a lot of moral lessons through fairy tales and songs. That love and care have lost their way somewhere and it’s sure, our kids miss them a lot. Now, it’s really a blessing if a grand mother is present at home to make him sleep with nice cradle songs and fairy tales.

In the busy schedule, parents are spending only a little time with their kids. If kids need to get their affection, it needs time too, which is not in their parents’ hands. Some times a servant may be teaching him lessons and he will develop her culture than his parents’. Parents should find time to spend with their kids.

Now kids are growing in selfishness. In present atomic families, they have already forgotten the lessons of sharing and its happiness. It makes him narrow in his thoughts and a feeling to possess everything that he desire. If parents notice such characteristics in their kids it’s their duty to teach them the lessons of sharing and humbleness in kids at early ages itself.

Mind of kids that seeks affection

Food, cloth and shelter – the primary necessities of man. If it’s a kid, he needs love and caring too. If you love your kid, just show it instead of hiding it in the deep corners of mind. Also, appreciate your kid if he does something nice. It will surely prompt him to do such nice things in future also. It deeply influences his mental development too. More than costly toys and dresses kids desire for their parents’ love and presence. Simply patter them with your hand. Kids love such actions a lot.

A person expresses love and learns to love others only he gets expressed love. So, express your love and affection towards your kid so that your kid will express it to his friends and family in future too. Thus affection shown by parents has a direct impact on their kid’s future family life too. Also, teach your kids good habits and discipline. Implement them in your life so that your kid learns them directly without any compulsion. If a kid doesn’t get love and affection from his family, he will seek wrong paths to attain it. But never spoil your kid with extra affection. Give some controls too.

Appreciation and personality development

We should appreciate our kids and develop self respect in them. Then only they will attain a balanced personality in future too. When we appreciate our kids for good deeds, he feels self respect and tries maximum never to fall below our expectations. But if we blame and find faults even for silly things, he will never strive to raise high in his life. Also, kid will give more importance to mistakes if we point those faults only. He will lose his self confidence and when he feels his mistakes draw attention most, he tempts to repeat those mistakes again and again. Instead of ordering, ask them to do in simple and plain words. A kid loves such words. Also, it helps him to develop a friendly bond with his parents.

It’s parents’ duty to develop a helping mentality in kids. He should be taught the primary lessons of love and kindness. Responsibility, loyalty, honesty, bravery, strength – it depends on parents’ lessons if a kid develops those good features or not. A kid should be able to identify both good and bad. For that, parents need to teach them everything – from simple things to complex. Gradually he will understand everything.

Anger, selfishness, ignorance, telling lies, hatred – remember, your kids learn primary lessons of these things from you only. So, kindly avoid expression of such emotions in front of your kid. Self respect, positive thinking, responsibilities, maturity –parents can teach those lessons at early ages itself.

Stepping stones towards personality development

• Belief – If you have promised to buy something for your kid, never postpone it. Keep your promises so that your kid learns good lessons from you.
• Telling lies – Kid’s mind is like a carbon copy. So, never tell lies in front of your kid.
• Quarrels in family – such things can deeply influence the mental development of your kid. Many parents, though have indifferences, tend to live together thinking of happiness of their kids. But recent studies say, if parents part, kids forget the pain easily. But if they repeatedly see parents quarrelling, it makes deep wounds in kid’s mind. So, be calm and patient before your kid.
• Selfishness – If parents insist on doing things they like, kids will surely follow the same path.
• Act without thinking – If you burst out suddenly, your kid will copy those lessons directly into their life. So, be patient and calm in front of your kids. It’s often necessary to hide your emotions than bursting out.
• Anger – Instead of love, if you show anger always, your kid will behave the same way to others. Such lessons he learn will surely follow him the rest of his life.
• Smoking and drinking – If father has such habits, kids also feel to have such experiences.
• Sleep – Make a proper timetable for your kids’ sleep. Otherwise he will spend a lot of time before computer games and cartoon channels. Good and regular sleep is a vital factor in the mental and physical development of your kid.
• Food habits – A fixed timetable is needed for meals too. Never quit a meal, particularly breakfast. It’s better to have supper together, as a family. It develops deep bond among family members. You can ask daily activities of your kid at this time. Encourage him so that he never hesitates to tell everything to you. If something disturbs his mind, supper time is best to express his problems.
• Freedom – Never give extra freedom to your kids. Certain controls are necessary, particularly if he follows bad habits like not doing homework, watching television and computer at late night, not sleeping at right time, not having breakfast etc. They should have a feeling that they will get punishment if they don’t do those things properly. Also, develop self dependency in your kid from early age self. It develops his self confidence a lot. But never put extra control as it breaks friendly relationship between kids and parents.
• Discipline – Maintain discipline in your life so that your kid learns those primary lessons from you. It’s very difficult to implement discipline when he grows up. Instead, start those habits early.
• Over control and less freedom – Certain kids are brought up in extra discipline and by not giving proper love, care and affection. Such kids face problems in mingling with society and very often, they lack self confidence and self dependent nature.
• Ignoring mentality – Give importance to kid’s taste too. While you are going out, give him enough freedom to choose a dress to wear. If you try to impose your tastes on your kids, his mental development retards and he develops a feeling of ignorance. Such kids may feel difficulty in dealing with different types of people and always feel that they are having less good qualities comparing others.
• Certain controls are also needed – If you say ‘yes’ to everything he choose, he develops a feeling that he is superior and later, he never cares anyone’s words. It’s very difficult to make them obey and such kids may show high resistance even for silly things, comparing other kids. Such undisciplined kids will surely give a lot of headache to their parents. Parents should say ‘no’ to wrong things they want and mistakes they commit instead of nodding to everything.

For good future of your kid

Always retain natural love and show it to your kids. No need to buy expensive toys. Instead present them simple gifts with great love and affection. Appreciate their talents and you can buy small gifts if they keep their promises. Kids should be aware of their limitations. Parents should teach them the value of time, relations and money. Parents should be able to identify the happiness and sorrows of their kids easily. For that, they need to know their kid’s mind well. Kids should have a feeling that, even at bad hours of life parents are always stay with us with full support. Never say bad about your kids in front of others. It may lead to anxiety and depression in kids and reduce self-confidence level of your kids. He may even feel difficulties in mingling with society and expressing his ideas due to lack of confidence. As a parent, if you are able to implement these things in your life, no doubt, your kid will earn a lot of love, respect, appreciation and affection from the society he lives. Also, he will be able to advise others giving his life as a good lesson.  

• Written by Sandhya Rani.
• In category Parenting and Child Development.
• 11 years ago.

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