Rita Rudner

Title	Category
When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'	Uncategorized
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.	Uncategorized
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.	Uncategorized
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.	Uncategorized
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.	Uncategorized
Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.	Uncategorized
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.	Uncategorized
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.	Uncategorized
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.	Uncategorized
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.	Uncategorized
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.	Uncategorized
I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.	Uncategorized
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times	Uncategorized