Steven wright

Country Unknown
Born Monday, 30 November -0001
Quotes 16
Steven Alexander Wright (born December 6, 1955) is an American comedian, actor and writer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, and one-liners with contrived situations.
Title Category
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. Uncategorized
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. Uncategorized
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. Uncategorized
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?' Uncategorized
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. Uncategorized
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. Uncategorized
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. Uncategorized
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? Uncategorized
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. Uncategorized
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. Uncategorized
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. Uncategorized
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. Uncategorized
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. Uncategorized
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. Uncategorized
Black holes are where God divided by zero. Uncategorized
to know people is wisdom, but to know yourself is enlightenment. to master people takes force, but to master yourself takes strength. to know contentment is wealth, and to live with strength resolve. to never leave whatever you are is to abide, and to die without getting lost- that is to live on and on. Uncategorized