Why excessive permissiveness is always very dangerous
It is a very well documented fact and a very well admired point globally -- the strength of the Indian family as a unit, which has survived generations, and is still going strong.
In spite of several problems, we as a Nation, have been able to sustain family values and there is absolutely no reason why the family cannot be a very good and self-sustaining unit for ever.
However, in the past fifteen years or so, there have been a huge number of disturbing trends that seem to be giving our traditional family values, considerable stress and strain.
Why does this happen? Yes, we need to understand what are the problems and how this happens, and why.
Firstly, since both the parents are always so busy with their jobs and their commercial lives, even the smallest amount of time that they need to spend with the children, is just not there. Furthermore, even that smallest amount of time, is spent on watching TV or catching with friends on Facebook or What's up or whatever.
This merry-go-round is deeply disturbing to the children, who find someone outlet with friends and peers, even if they are not classmates. This leads to further problems, as just one negative influence may lead to very dangerous consequences.
For example, in the city of Coimbatore, a seventh standard girl, was spotted right on the middle of a busy road, expressing her deep regret that her boy friend had ditched her, and had not accepted her love!!
Worse, she was seen consuming alcohol in full public view!! This is the result of inadequate attention that the children always get even from relatively less educated or illiterate parents. Hence, the urgent need of the hour, is to spend quality time children, and take such a thing to its logical conclusion. It ought to be realized that only parents can have a huge influence in terms of good values, and unless this happens, no improvement is going to happen.
The second reason why permissiveness is so huge is the negative influence of the media. The atrocious TV serials in literally every single language, including the major language of Hindi, have taken India down the road --- all on the negative side. For example, it is now a proven fact that the TV serials even teach youngsters to commit a murder and get away with it!! Worse, the TV serials make the children addicts and a huge amount of time is effectively wasted at any point in time.
The third reason for permissiveness is the trend among children to express dissent in a big way, particularly to parents. They do not understand that such dissent leads them to the path of ruin, more so, when the dissent is meaningless, often expressed for worthless purposes. The most important point of dissent is on the manner in which young children want to dress.
Very young children want to expose their bodies, and often wear atrocious outfits that were not even considered okay even a decade ago. When parents object, all hell breaks loose, and the unhappiness that results is often so huge. Deviant behavior takes over, and the net result is that the permissiveness goes on. This is mainly because parents are not able to control their children, anymore. This often happens due to lack of time. Parents just allow the children to do whatever they want, and this leads to even more misery.
The fourth reason why permissiveness happens is because the children are themselves often confused about what is good or bad at various points of time. It is essential that there is very good career counseling at various levels. To some extent, this has already started to happen, but is more confined to the urban areas. This should become more widespread and cannot be restricted to only the urban areas.
The fifth reason why permissiveness is so widespread is the trend among boys to "experiment", even this goes to the ridiculous levels, like raping their own classmate. This has happened even in rural areas, even among school children.
The remedies are obvious. Firstly, there is a big need for communication between children and parents, between teachers and children, and even between children and relatives. Blood relatives, particularly the brother of the mother, have a big influence on children, often when the child or children are very well known to the man. This happens in the semi-urban and rural areas. This happens when the man comes to the house very often, and communicates to the child or children.
There is another remedy which should be tried out. Friends of every child, in the neighborhood, should be often consulted to check if the child or children is/are on the right track. Even the smallest problem, should be rectified immediately.
The third remedy lies in making child understand the value of money, and develop feelings or emotions like empathy, compassion for others, and honesty, by taking them to places where the less unfortunate people, including orphanages, are housed.
This will open up new channels of communication, and make the child understand that he or she can contribute very effectively to noble causes. In fact, some trusts have a practice where even small children do physical work, and make each and every activity a meaningful one. Such children will naturally be more inclined to discipline of a tall order and permissiveness can and will be in check.
In the urban areas, where the flats and apartments are the norm, a huge amount of communication between residents should happen more often than now. This is because useful feedback can be obtained from various quarters and such feedback can be used for stemming permissiveness.
So, we need the stop this menace of excessive permissiveness. How and how fast we do it, will differ from family to family, but the fact is that it ought to be done.
The solutions are not too complex and with some effort, everything will face in place. The will to do it is important, and if this is there, permissiveness, as an issue, can be easily handled.
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