Which condition is more shameful to a family?

Which condition is shameful to a family? or Which condition hurts family most?

Still now, we are living in a social condition where honour killing is practised. Many things like love/intercaste marriages are still taboo to society, however social it may be. But let me ask something. A loving couple flees and tie the knot without the permission of parents. Really a dishonour to a family even in the modern times.

Let me tell you another case. A pure arranged marriage with blessings of parents....but ended in a divorce. Girl returns back to home. Which case will be dishonour or shame to a family? What society says and interpret both these cases? What's your opinion? 

 

 

Category: Family & Relationships 4 years ago
Sandhya Rani
Asked 4 years ago

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Wel, What I feel is honor killing is really worst. In both the cases the people who killed the honor should consult their parents and take the decision. In the first case that is inter caste marriage, the people should convince their parents and get marry but never get marry against the parents. and in the second case they have to tell their reason of getting separation to the parents and take the solutions and implement. but not directly taking divorce.

sarala
Answered 4 years ago
sarala

I don't think there is shame in love marriage, unless if the couple are happy. My families think that its a shameful act, but it is their orthodox mind which has baised thoughts imbibed. Every marriage has ups and downs, it doesn't matter even if couple find hard to live together after marriage. They can handle their problems and find the solution. There is no shame in that. 

Bajirao
Answered 4 years ago
Bajirao

My opinion is the beliefs on honor killing and such taboos point out to one single factor namely, the hypocritical values prevailing in the society and the double tongued attitude of the Society..

 In my view Honor killings are time worn  stinking beliefs which is nothing less than a deadly plague.

 The other point is also points out to the wrong belief arranged marriages are always successful and they last forever. This is anything is that's  far from truth. With the same breath elders crave for arranged marriages.

 Please allow me to speak my own experience in this regard.

None of the marriages of my three children are arranged marriages. Or none of their marriages are from the same caste. .

They are leading a happy married life.

 Hence i conclude with one single sentence.

There need not be any fixed system especially in the case of Marriages

 

rambabu
Answered 4 years ago
rambabu

Society decided parameters of shame and honor. We live in a society with so many castes and sub castes and so many religions as well. A person who is made to be ashamed is to communicate that what they did is wrong.

Divorce- yes both the members especially the lady will feel ashamed because they could not work things out. Should one be ashamed- it totally depends on their circumstance  I think...either way we should not have a say.

But murdering someone over it is NOT something done to avoid shame, it is something to create fear. It is not honor killing, it is just killing. And we Indians allow this it to happen- that is the most shameful part.

 

Pearl Leo
Answered 4 years ago
Pearl Leo

The people who fond in love are getting married but very few only succeed in their entire life. In my opinion love marriage stays for few years because they didn't understand each other completely and the same thing is happening in arranged marriage because both couples did not know about each other. The person who love his family in his entire life that love only gets success. I don't think it is a shameful event to the family in the case of arranged marriage because we can't predict a person character before marriage. Whatever the result society ever blames but the parents will take care the responsibility in their shoulders. Parents are the team builders between them in their entire life because they never give up their children.

Dwarakanathan
Answered 4 years ago
Dwarakanathan

Love birds flee and get married without parent’s permission. Arranged marriage ends up in divorce. These things happen because human nature is diverse; and I don’t think people consider them as shameful. Just some abnormal things happen, which are momentary, and become normal in few days. We have learnt to face and adjust the harsh realities of life. Even if an inauspicious thing or disaster happen in our life, even death of the near ones, we forget them in few days and life become as usual. When a raindrop hits the ground, we forget about the whole summer! 

RAMAKRISHNAN. A
Answered 4 years ago
RAMAKRISHNAN. A

In my opinion, these cases are not a cause of shame. The family may not agree with such an incident but that does not mean it brings any shame to the family name. We need to broaden our thought or else everything going against the family tradition will seem to be shameful act which is rubbish. 

Shampa Sadhya
Answered 4 years ago
Shampa Sadhya

Our constitution give right to all adults to marriage where they want. It is good thing if child marriage with the consent  of parents. Parents also have some dreams for the marriage of their childern. Parents are not enemy, they are well wisher. If children want to marriage as per their choice than parents must be enquiry about the partner. If for some reason parents are not interested in marriage but children want to than parents should be give their consent. Honor killing is evil deed. 

anil
Answered 4 years ago
anil

The adults have a right to select their life partners themselves. But when they exercise this right, they cannot blame family or others if anything goes wrong. But incase of arranged marriage, family has responsibility to sipport. Mostly, girl will need support.  

Gulshan Kumar Ajmani
Answered 4 years ago
Gulshan Kumar Ajmani

It is time that Indians, generally should grow up now and face the fact that each adult has the right to choose his or her own partner. Equaling love marriages and the fact that opposition from family forces the young couples to elope from homes with that of shame and dishonor is actually nothing less than stupidity. So instead of choosing either one of the example as a matter of shame and dishonor, it is my opinion that NOT allowing the man or woman to choose his or her own partner is the actual shameful and dishonorable thing.

Kalyani Nandurkar
Answered 4 years ago
Kalyani Nandurkar

There is no shame in either love or any marriage however it happens, the so called family honor is actually something that gets importance in an immature mind ! Otherwise they will not go around killing their own child or relative .Even if a marriage goes  sour, whether arranged or love marriage , it is not the end of the world ! Things have not worked out so carry on living and hoping for the best ..If a girl is educated and firm in her beliefs besides being financially independent, she will be able to handle her life without bowing to family pressures or bothering about gossip from family and relatives , if things go wrong ! 

usha manohar
Answered 4 years ago
usha manohar

Honour killing is nothing but  justification given by the killer by claiming that the victim had Dishonored their family name. If killing can bring back their honour then what is the difference between them and psycho killers.

Marriage is not bonding of two people but it is bonding of two families. So marriage whether love or arranged needs elders blessings. If parents are not ready to accept the love marriage then youngers should try to convince then.

Whereas if girl comes back to take divorce them parents should support her and find out the reason behind this divorce and try to patch up between the couple. If nothing works out and no children are involved then only a divorce should be encouraged. Because a wife and husband can get a divorce but not a mom and dad , their children need both of them.

Sreematrana
Answered 2 years ago
Sreematrana

"Honor kiling" I find the term itself full of cynicism. How sarcastic?? Killing someone can only bring disgrace and no honor. Killing a person for exercising his/her right to choose a life partner, makes no sense to a civilized society and can not be justified. It is shameful. Once an adult, you have a mind to decide and choose.

In the other case of arranged marriage, I would say it is ill fate. Parents have all good intentions but things don't turn out as expected all the times.

Arranged marriage or love marriage against societal norms... the success depends on the commitment, the desire to make it work and definitely the luck factor

Arunima Singh
Answered 3 years ago
Arunima Singh

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