Some years ago, when I was attending a conference, a person who was much younger than me, told me something that had a telling effect on me for a very long time and, probably, to this day.

Here is what he exactly said, " If you point out two fingers at someone, remember, he will easily point out three fingers at you".

For a moment, I was jolted.  I had not told him anything.  He was just generally talking about the state of affairs in his organization, He said that he had to deal with some negative minded subordinates, and he would often call them to wake them up and point out that they were, in fact, to blame for most of what was happening around them.

There was, there is, and there will always be, a huge amount of truth in whatever he said.

We are the makers of our own destiny.  It is we who need to understand our own strengths and weaknesses and adjust to circumstances.  It does not make any sense to make any big statement or accusation against others, when we ourselves do not live according to some ideals.

For instance, take the issue of honesty.  There are millions who indulge in unethical practices, even to make a make a small amount of money. Yet, these same people talk too much about corruption, knowing fully well that there is a real conflict in their positions. 

So, the need to look inwards is always there.  If we are good to others, they will reciprocate the same.  At the international level, the global terrorist problem boils down to Muslims Vs the advanced nations.  

Since the most visible acts of global terrorism are carried out by a section of misguided Muslims, the rest of the world, led by the Americans, seems to go out to unleash a war against Muslims, so much so, that the debate ranges from the one extreme to the other, with lose-lose situations that we see as the outcome in any conflict.

In such a situation, the Western nations will do well to understand that they have their own quota of sins and they need to look inwards, rather than sermonizing on what the Muslim nations should do to combat terrorism.

Instead, the root cause of all terrorism, anywhere in the world, needs to be accurately understood, so that there will not be a situation where the world is always divided into camps, working actively at harming the interests of whomsoever they perceive as the enemy.

A the individual level, it becomes all the more important for nations to understand all the nuances of working inwards and understanding one's own strengths and weaknesses.  However, there are situations where one is trapped, and what should be done in such situations is best left to the individual to navigate at the individual level. 

For example, imagine a situation where a young professional in HR, needs to report to at least two bosses in the factory -- one line boss and one staff boss -- and at least two others in the Corporate Office.  Let us imagine that he has to collect data, interpret data and give his opinion on any aspect of industrial relations.  The conflicting demands on his time might frustrate him at some stage.

Yet, when he starts looking inwards, he would be able to understand some patterns of his own behaviour, where a higher degree of emotional intelligence is required from him.  It is then upto him to learn the nuances of emotional intelligence and learn to adapt to different situations, that are often beyond one's control.

Even groups of people who belong to a particular ideology need to understand and accept their mistakes.  For example, the Dravida Kazhagam in Tamil Nadu is an atheist outfit that propagates atheism.  Nothing wrong with this philosophy, as every human being can decide what he wants to do.  However, extremist elements in this outfit have gone to the absurd levels of physically harming the Tamil Brahmins who are perceived to be their worst enemies.

Worse, they have gone about cutting the sacred thread of Brahmins.  The Tamil Brahmin community is one of the very small minorities in Tamil Nadu, and in ninety percent of families it is almost impossible to find one or at the maximum, two children.  Hence their population is also coming down and, in a community that believes in real education, they tend to excel in whatever they do.  This leads to wrong perceptions of people like those in the Dravida Khazhagam party.  Even their founder, the late E.V.R. Periyar never advocated violence against Tamil Brahmins.

For every problem, there is a solution.  And for every solution, the individual has to do serious soul searching.  There are several things that an individual can learn from feedback.  In fact, in advanced behavioral science, there is the classic Johari Window model, where one tends to get to know more about himself or himself, from others.  This is all the more so, because most people tend to behave in irrational ways, most of which is unconscious.  And when one is angry, the maximum violence tends to happen, as such behavior is normally unconscious.  

This is the precise reason why most experts advocate a huge peace of mind and happiness.  They do not advocate violence of any kind and in fact, advocate something opposite.  Whether it is yoga or meditation or whatever, what needs to be understood is the attempt to look within himself or herself for answers.  Once this is done, the maximum benefits will come to the individual.

Those who are wedded to bad habits like smoking and alcohol, are particularly those who need to be told to closely follow their own behavior and attempt to find answers.  Most of their behavior is through bad contacts and spur of the moment emotions that lead to disaster.  When drunk, a person totally loses control.  He or she ( in very rare cases, women also tend to booze), is never aware of what he does, for example, indulging in beating of wives. 

This has to be curbed, even through law. For instance, a criminal case can now be booked, if the wife complains of cruelty.  Such husbands should be taught a lesson and then counseled. 

In any situation, the need for looking inwards is now more acute than ever before.  We would need it in more ample measure, as our lives become more and more complicated and, there is absolutely no respite from such an eventuality. 

• Written by ABSIVAKUMAR.
• In category General Reference.
• 9 years ago.

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