Kiran Bedi
Kiran Bedi, the first woman police officer of the Indian Police Services was born in 1949 in a Punjabi family of Amritsar. She completed her college education at government degree college Amritsar. In the era when Kiran Bedi completed her college education, most middle class families used their education for their marriage purpose but very few wanted to educate their daughters for a purpose to see them in government jobs or for uplift their mental standard. But Kiran Bedi was a girl having a mental standard par excellence. She was brilliant in her studies and a champion sports person. She attracted the attention of the sports circles when she won the Asian Women’s Tennis competition in 1972. During that period, she came in contact with Brij Bedi, a prominent tennis player himself and a machine tools factory owner who had interest in photography also. They became close friends first and soon they tied the holy knot to convert the friendship into marriage. Kiran Bedi, the only lady officer awarded Ramon Magsaysay award in 1994 for her outstanding services.
Crane Bedi
The aim of young Asian Champion Kiran Bedi was not limited to marriage but she wanted to serve the nation and the society with her unique ideas. And to fulfill her desires to serve the nation she appeared in the Indian administrative services exams. Once she passed the exams successfully, she opted for Police Services and entered in the Police Force in 1972. She was not satisfied with her job for the next ten years as she wanted to do something outstanding for the society but she grabbed her opportunity in 1982 when she was appointed the Deputy Commissioner of Police in the traffic section of Delhi Police. She immediately came into limelight by attracting the public as she made crucial improvement in the traffic of Delhi. She became popular and regularly found her name in newspapers for her work and soon she became poplar as Crane Bedi for use of crane for illegal parked vehicles and that included the car of the then Prime Minister of India.
Social Work
During the same period, Kiran Bedi worked for rehabilitation of thousands of homeless people living on the Delhi’s footpaths mostly depending on begging as their only source of income. She acted from the set working pattern of police by going all out to help by providing them government aid for homes and beginning small business. She did lot of efforts to see that every deserving candidate received his due and not left fighting with red-tape tactics of government machinery. The year brought some downside for her as after she ordered cane-charge on agitating lawyers she had to face Badhwa-Committee and later transferred into the anti-drugs bureau as Deputy Director. In 1990, she was transferred to Mizoram as Deputy Inspector General of Police where she had to face more problems for the admission of her daughter based on as a resident of Mizoram in M.B.B.S in a prestigious Delhi Medical college. As a result of protests, the admission of her daughter was cancelled but later they won the case in Delhi High Court, her daughter was re-admitted into the medical college and completed her degree course.
Her Tihar Connection
In 1993, Kiran Bedi took over Central Jail Tihar in Delhi, the biggest jail in the entire South Asia with a capacity of 7,000 inmates. Generally such postings are considered as punishment for highly placed officers but the work Kiran Bedi did for uplifting the condition of the prisoners gave newer heights to her career. She won Ramon Magsaysay Award in 1994, the highest honor for a police officer of Indian Police Force. She transformed the Tihar jail that was considered living hell for the inmates before she started her reforms. The jail filled with smugglers, mafias, rapists, murderers, drug sellers and dacoits besides terrorists and ISI agents were more like terror to staff of the jail those were hard to control. Kiran Bedi changed the life of inmates of the prison with her human approach and willingness to help them.
Education for inmates
She started by focusing her attention at the education for inmates by making it mandatory for all. Every one had to spend two hours in the morning for educating or learning. The educated prisoners were appointed to teach the uneducated ones. The inmates willing to study further were provided with facilities to continue their further studies. Many prisoners benefited by this facility by becoming graduates from Indira Gandhi open University in different subjects. Incidentally, an under-trial prisoner who was there for more than 10 years was provided the library facility to enhance his knowledge in criminal law to help inmates in their legal procedures later. Life of the prisoners, who were kept under special police of Tamilnadu, began to change.
Work for Prisoners Welfare
Kiran Bedi concentrated on working conditions of prisoners to provide them better facilities related to their working opportunities inside the jail. She arranged exports of the cloth produced by prisoners that brought better price. Prisoners were trained in different repairing works and provided with opportunities to get outside jobs that brought enough revenue to be distributed among the prisoners. All these activities brought Kiran Bedi to headlines of national newspapers to be hailed by politicians and public alike. Different ministers and leaders of various parties visited Tihar to inspect and praise the Tihar’s progress. All dignitaries those visited Tihar accepted with all praise for Kiran Bedi the positive changes in the prison. However, she was accused of favoring Charles Shobhraj, the international crook of allotting him with a typewriter, cooler and meat in his diet. Incidentally, the matter became more famous because Charles was writing a book on Kiran Bedi. But, it was later established that all the facilities provided to Chrles Shobhraj were provided as per the order of Supreme Court of India and Kiran Bedi was not responsible personally for providing these to him.
To improve the situation of Tihar, Kiran Bedi worked regularly and found newer ways and most of these were different from the beaten track and had democratic values. For instance, she started a local level committee for women prisoners who will decide for small finance related disputes or bringing forward their demands before the jail administration thus for not heard or taken any action promptly or never reaching to jail administration. Now, there issues were taken care of on priority and promptly. She appointed a petition officer to bring the demands of the women prisoners on priority basis to Mrs. Bedi for her personal intervention. It was never done before in any Indian jail and it was very much appreciated by everyone. The best part was the violence that was regular feature of Tihar almost stopped.
Kiran Bedi - The reformer
Kiran Bedi changed many bad practices those were going on in Tihar for a very long time with her untying efforts. She once said that the aim of the police and jails is to remove the crime from the society and not the criminal. Mostly the role of police is limited to catch the criminals and get them punished and once the criminal is out of the jail, he repeats his crimes and comes back to jail because he does not know anything else to do. If a criminal is repeating his crimes, it shows that the police failed in its purpose of removing the crime because the crime and criminal was still there. The old method of catching the criminal and jail him is not a solution unless a way was found to stop his further involvement into the crime and providing him a chance to do something worthwhile that will make him useful for the society.
Kiran Bedi did just the same and succeed to change many criminals those wanted to change them but did not know how to it. Kiran Bedi provided them a basic platform. She provided them opportunity to learn and earn. She believed that jail was a hospital for criminals where they could get rid of their illness of criminal activities and not punished for their illness. Since the prisoners have to follow certain rules so they can learn to live within control and learn lot many things that will convert them into good human being. It is not necessary to abuse them but they can learn through meditation, education, how to earn money while inside the jail and make it a profession when out of the jail. If you will treat them ruthlessly, they will become more violent and feel lesser for the humanity and will head for further crimes. She thought to change them a human approach was necessary and she was doing just the same with absolute dedication and honesty.
Kiran Bedi was not power hungry
Kiran Bedi did not consider Police as a force that was created to punish the criminals but for her it was for the sole purpose of reforming the criminals. Jails were not concentration camps as the Nazis or British thought while dealing with their prisoners but more of schools where criminals could be converted into good citizens only if the police behaved with more human methods. This was especially true for our country because most of our citizens have a trust in their religion. Religious methods work wonders on our prisoners. Meditation camps are working magic on most of the inmates and religion does not matter on them while going for meditation.
Kiran Bedi converted Tihar into an Ashram rather than an ordinary prison where violence was order of the day. Now, most prisoners accept it that Tihar is no more a concentration camp that it used to be before she started her reformations. Kiran Bedi’s heart is full of love for people and she still wants to work for them without having any ambitions for her own. Presently she is associated with Anna Hazare’s movement for a corruption free India. Incidentally, she declined the offer of AAP to join them and if she had decided to join that party, she could be part of the ministry that is ruling over Delhi state but she loves her principles more than a seat in power. I know she is destined for greater services for our country in future.
Photo source- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiran_Bedi
New Year-New hopes but no resolutions
I have been reading that people often consider the month of January as self-improvement and the process begins a fortnight before the month of January actually comes. Fact is people try to re-invent themselves a couple of weeks before a New Year begins and this is not limited to any particular part of the globe but allover the world. People allover the places hope to change the world in a coming new year, including themselves. I think the human psychology keeps people pushing to add more values to their lives in every New Year that comes. And to translate those wishes into realities they declare them as New Year Resolutions.
Look at these
In most cases, people begin writing their New Year resolutions right from the beginning of December. Most people begin to imagine as if the world is going to change for them in coming year. They come up with innovative plans; they wish to start as soon as the clock strikes twelve on the New Year night. Would you like to see some of the most common wishes, which come as Resolutions in this case?
You might have noticed that almost all our resolutions are nothing but a factor that involves ‘me’ which will change the world in coming year. Most of these resolutions are related to our either lifestyles or habits, which stay there in our subconscious waiting to get rid of from our systems. Most of these are not followed through or never take a shape beyond the resolution stage. As much as 90% people do not remember on first of January that they ever promised a thing with themselves only the previous night.
Does anyone ever care to think about reasons for broken promises? If not, let me tell you few facts. It is so because most of the resolutions we made were nothing but our desires that we always wanted to fulfill but never succeeded in doing so or we never tried hard enough. Most of the resolutions are nothing but a 'novelties' we wish to show to the world but soon brush them aside within no time. Besides there are number of other reasons including our laziness, we are not prepared, we are bored or there is not enough motivation behind the promises to keep them up. And then there is no one to remind you about your own promises so you may forget them easily.
Are you interested to try something else?
We should do something different this year. The times for resolutions is over now but let’s do something out of the box. Let’s think beyond ourselves but think about certain urgent things, which need our immediate attention instead. As they say, in place of cheering for yourself, it’s better to cheer for someone else. I am not sure who said it or where I read it but it was someone big. Let’s make resolutions for others, for people those are lesser blessed. Let’s make our resolution beyond ‘Me’ but let them focus on people who need them most. I know it will give you immense pleasure if only you go out of the way and work for people who are deprived of smallest of necessities of life. You will be having a great feeling of fulfillment and joy if you could provide them smallest of happiness. Just look beyond yourselves and touch the world around you.
Yes, there is no greater joy that you can have than doing something for people, those are not fortunate enough. The best part is that most of such people could be absolutely strangers for you. What I believe that one does not have to be a Florence Nightingale to serve the suffering people or a Mother Teresa to go create an environment for serving the poor children but we all can do it through our smallest of support. I do it with my small share for the homeless people in my hometown, I know my efforts are not enough but I try my level best. Oh yeas, we all have it in us to be a small hero in our own style for our own satisfaction. We all can help reduce the hatred the world seems to be so engulfed with. Here is our chance to make our resolutions by opening our hearts and minds for the sake of people suffering from so many paucity in life.
We have a chance here
It certainly is an altogether different resolution from the orthodox types we are so used to making while sitting in parties or chatting leisurely with friends or jotting on a writing pad. There is far more than to sitting on a laptop and searching through the Google for those self-centric resolutions most of which never see the dawn of second of January. I was astonished to see my Facebook pages filled with innovative ideas about resolutions for 2014 and number of ‘Friends’, liking them. But is it all about those ‘Likes’ we get there on Facebook? Don’t we really need those ‘Likes’ in real life? In my own humble views, we need those ‘Likes’ from the community that needs our help most. I would certainly like those ‘Likes’ coming from those suffering people who do not know me in real life. I would like to explore newer worlds where I can spend my money that I save from not throwing the parties for already over drunken friends. I would want to identify opportunities, which I can utilize with my small budget.
I feel grateful when people bless me
Haven’t you felt great whenever you did smallest of charity and received tons of blessing in return? I cherish such moments. I certainly feel better when I spend my money to those who need them more than giving party to my friends. I have tried these both but now I know for sure what is better than the other. If you ask me, working for others is so addictive really! Have you ever tried helping a friend in need? I would do that any day without waiting for a New Year to come for that. And it is so much practical setting such goals and go for them because that will not make me ashamed when I will fail to keep those unpractical resolutions.
I will not make any resolutions just for the sake of making them. There is no second opinion that people who do good things for others always end up feeling better than people who think in terms of ‘Me’. Practically speaking, it all depends upon your own capabilities to help the people. It is still okay to throw a party but set it for people who have never tasted such delicacies, which will be served to be wasted, because most of your friends whom you have invited have no appetite left to consume what you have organized for them. So why not make it a special day for an orphanage or people suffering from leprosy? There are many organizations in every area engaged in service to the poor but they do it without advertising therefore most of us do not hear about them. But if we go and search for such organizations, we shall find that these institutes are working for the cause of education of poor children, arranging for water for stray cattle and rickshaw pullers, distributing blankets to homeless who spend their nights in the open. In fact, there is so much to do but we prefer to find resolutions on the internet.
So what about your top ten list of resolutions?
I think it’s going to sound a different music to the ears of people who are so used to those orthodox resolutions I mentioned in the beginning. It is going to be altogether different but will sound more like an interior makeover. It would sound like temple bells when a needy person will bless you for the little efforts you did for him will prove great support for him. You do not have to donate your property for the cause of poor but only have to share what you easily can to bring joy for others who do not know the meaning of joy. Spending your time with lonely senior citizens in ‘Old Age Homes’ is better than spending thousands of Rupees on boozing parties.
You can keep your regular resolutions if you wish to keep them but make a few changes in them and see to it that you do not forget about them on January 2, 3 or 10. Things always get better. We all need help in life as we may fall down or go through a bad patch, but this is only temporary and it always help us preparing for something better. Your role comes in such a situation, if you can help someone who has fallen down, you have to pick them up and show them light. That will be helpful for the person but the satisfaction you will get in the process will be immense.
My question for you
With the help of small efforts from all of us, we can live in a different world, away from what it is. The world could become more caring if we become a little more helpful. May I ask from you a straightforward question at this point? May I know about what are the points you are going to add in your resolution for rest of the year? No, I am not in a hurry to know about your priorities but think about what are the things you would like to change to make a difference? You only have to think about your priorities to take a decision according to your own ways that make you happy and the rest of it will be easy to decide.
You only have to identify the opportunities at your disposal to take a decision and trust me there is no shortage of such opportunities which will change your future resolutions. So, when you make your resolutions, keep some of my suggestions in your mind, you will find a difference. You have to keep this also in your mind that ‘No one becomes poorer by giving’. Again, this is said by someone who also thought on the same lines that when you give someone a little bit of your time, money, knowledge, sympathy or whatever you can. You do not loose any thing by giving but you get far more in return than what you gave in the first place.
Conclusion
Let’s break the cycle of old fashioned resolution making with a simple idea that we need not go for big resolutions which are hard to keep in real life. Most of those idealistic resolutions are nothing but status symbol that sounds good but if you ask anyone, he will laugh you off. Most of them were started when people were doing them for the sake of doing as another fancy program that we all are used to doing on New Year’s occasions. Let’s all go for the new resolution – we shall never make a false resolution.
Change yourself to succeed
I started with the idea when I found that being a cleanliness freak was giving me lot of trouble. I was unable to cop up with slightest of dust particles in my living area and office, I wanted everything clean, and dust free. I used to put extra pressure on my wife and office attendant to keep everything shining which made them uncomfortable.
I knew my wife and office attendant tried their best to keep as much cleanliness as possible. I then decided to lower my own expectation to reduce level of stresses it was causing to all of us. I know we cannot change certain things related to us so it is better to change ourselves. This helped me change my attitude and I found my stresses were gone as well. Once you are relieved of your stresses you have better chances to succeed in life and your career.
Need of changes
Most of us feel that it is very easy to ask others to change but it is not that easy. You know this is like changing your parents, your children or even your own boss. We face disappointment if we try to change others however, the best strategy is to change ourselves, especially if it makes us happy and help us keep better relations with others. It is no good keep fighting with others and keeping ourselves stressed forever. Going for compromises sometimes helps keep you happy and stress free especially, if you have nothing to loose. I applied this rule in my life, when I found that I was unable to change others according to my plans.
There is very thin line in between people who like to keep things clean and those who are mentally sick and repeatedly keep cleaning or doing same things because they are not sure about themselves. This is a complex problem, which does not go easily without friends, and relatives helping them recover constantly. Also, people who keep repeating the same mistakes and feel irritated if someone points it out to them come into the same category. They do not want to mend their ways.
We must behave properly
The society today is being increasingly intolerant. We can see that everywhere including in our own residential areas where you will find some angry residents who become almost terrifying for other residents of the area. People feel afraid talking to such persons because it is not safe to talk to them and the way they react on even smallest of matters.
The fact is, a person who has no control over his anger looses control over himself and the one who cannot control himself cannot differentiate in between good and bad, truth and lies, justice and injustice. A person who cannot control his anger looses tender feelings, which are qualities of a balanced person. A person who is angry by nature can never treat anyone with tenderness and kindly, a social need for human being.
How to deal with angry persons
It is very much part of our social life. It is better to understand the feelings of such a person instead of being frightened of him. If we look at them sympathetically and make them feel comfortable, it will be good for both, the person in question and us because that will develop a cordial relation and reduce anger of the person in question. To avoid being a target of such an angry person we can follow any of these methods-
1- You can avoid his anger with simple method of smile his bad-mouthing or taking him normally without much of a reaction
2- Avoid his company whenever he is too angry or not ready to listen to reasons
3- There is another way to counter his bad-mouthing or fowl language- whenever he decides to talk rubbish, counter it with praising him. He will be confused to the tune that he will forget to talk badly.
4- There is another way to make him understand - that the need is to face him with courage and tell him to behave. He should know that his survival depends on his good behavior otherwise, he will be cut-of from others in the society.
We should enhance our knowledge
It is another crucial part to live a successful life, we need to enhance our knowledge and unless we have a good knowledge base it is hard to achieve success in any field, so it is must to develop habits, which add to our knowledge. Reading is a habit that can help us gain knowledge about political developments, social activities and thus helping you plan your own future. General knowledge and scheduling your own plans according to newer developments around the world is an advantage if only you make reading a regular habit.
How to develop reading habit
We all know the importance of reading in our life but we all are getting lesser time for study due to different reasons. Maybe we are too busy on internet, watching television or our own lifestyle. However, we should develop reading habit by adding newspapers, magazines and other useful books on subjects, which interest us in our daily routine. It will not only develop our interest for reading, but will provide you with newer ideas, which will help develop your personality and career.
Reading habit is must
Some of us believe that we can compensate by watching TV and surfing internet whatever we miss by not reading but reading is a different knowledge, which develops mind-power as well makes you a better person. You cannot compare what you gain by reading books to what you watch on news channels that keep repeating the same news throughout the day. The best part of reading is that we can do it anywhere, even while traveling to work or spare time in workplace. However, we shall have to give up habits, which are not productive as gossiping, which gives us nothing. Everyone has enough time but the need is to utilize it properly.
Time management is must
To develop good habits, we must learn to manage our timetable in best possible ways. One must decide the priorities in his life and act according to that. If you feel that reading habit can help you develop into a better man, go for it today. To develop good habits you have to sort out your current habits, keep the good ones and give up the useless to replace them with good ones and reading habit is one good habit, we should add it to our daily timetable to change our habits rather.
Conclusion
We should understand that if we wish to change others we should change ourselves first. There is no use keep fighting with others or keeping ourselves stressed forever but reaching nowhere. Going for compromises sometimes helps keep you happy and stress free especially, if you have nothing to loose. If we do not have courage to face an angry man, we are giving him a chance to be angrier next time. Therefore, the best strategy is to either avoid him or face him with all the truth and thinking that a person with angry attitude needs your sympathy and kindness because he is unable to understand the reason in his angry moments. So, the need of the change is overall.
Live and let live
There is a very famous saying “Live and let live” – everyone knows about it and to be frank there is nothing wrong in that. It only says that one must not create problems for others but live his life happily and at the same time, let others live the way they want to spend their life. However, this is not the case with every one. I am afraid this is not the case with few people because they are born trouble mongers. While the fact remains that some people live their lives happily, with joyful activities, keeping people happy around them and trying to solve problems without showing their involvement, at the same time we can see people, who are trying to create problems for others for nothing in particular but just because they were born that way. They see a ‘wrong’ in every ‘right’ that hasn't been done according to their own book. They have no faith in ‘live and let live’ others happily and that is the point that changes life of people who come in their contact.
Happiness is a package deal
Happiness is equal to money and health both, a package deal. A man is benefited in more than one way if he learns to stay happy. Happiness is as beneficial for man as body exercise is for his physical fitness. Happiness keeps his nerves system properly worked up, keeps his nervous system free from tensions. I think most of you might have seen that doctors always try to play down the seriousness of illness while talking to their patients. The modern day doctors would never let their patients feel as if they have anything serious and it works wonders on their patients. The patients feel much more self-confident and able to fight with his illness. This is all about the power of happiness, optimism and the life is full of happiness that you have to spend either laughing or whining, choice is yours.
No one is complete
This is another point where no one can disagree, not a single person is in this world is ‘complete’. Everyone has some or the other paucities in their lives, nature or behavior. Then the important part of the life lies is how a person moulds his nature. Nature is like potters-clay, which has no shape of its own but can always change according to needs. No one is born complete but everybody needs to change their attitude with total dedication and self-control to adjust to the world around them and that is not a big deal. We should not forget that this is our life and we have to live it our own way, happily, being sarcastic, criticizing others or always showing as if we are the most neglected specie of this universe. I agree that spending life joyfully is not that easy because it takes lot of self-control and efforts to be happy and keep others happy. Yes, it is the easiest way of living ones life always weeping, whining, criticizing others, playing blame-games and doing nothing to improve our own nature. There should be no doubt that if one has to live his life with total self-satisfaction, there is no other way but to change the mentality. Despite being not complete, a person should learn the art of adaptability, according to the needs of situation for a good and happy life.
Nature of a person goes a long way
There is no doubt that most of us Indians are used to living in adverse situations with lot of physical labor, three-season weather conditions consisting of either too hot and humid, too cold or rainy throughout the year. There are other factors for our unhappiness as lack of healthy food, unhygienic living conditions, and physical weak body built compared to most other developed countries and the worst of all no willingness to work or work as much that can only provide us for basic needs, in other words laziness. In fact, we are the nation of ‘Unsatisfied’ people, more than the people who live to enjoy their life and let others live happily. All these symptoms listed above are natural enemy of human but the worst of these all is the non-adjusting nature. While the good nature is the best friend of human, the bad nature could easily be the worst enemy.
The effect of bad nature can influence someone more adversely than all the illness or sickness in the world. One can get rid of his bad temper he acquires due to sickness but if it is his natural instinct, it keeps one under its influence forever. So, nature of a man influences his physical fitness way, either good or bad. If a man has a jolly nature, the chances are he would suffer lesser from physical problems or vice versa. The nature effects in more than one ways, it is not only the health part of a person but if someone is ill tempered, then the chances are he will never rise in his career. Two people with same abilities but with different mentality are bound to carry a different graph in their job career. No one wants to keep connected with an ill-tempered person.
And the influence of nature of a person is not limited to his work place but his domestic life, married life, student life or even relation in the society. Nature plays a vital role in married life. If the nature of both partners is polite and their married life never faces any troubles or even if they face problems the duo easily sort things out but any one of them is lesser understanding the chances are they go through a hard time. And if both the partners belong to ‘hot’ group, I do not have a faith in hell or heaven but perhaps, I would begin to believe in that if I am one of the partners of such a pair. There is a golden rule to be part of a happy couple, if your partner is angry, keep quite or get lost from the scene for a few minutes to come back when your partner is back to normal self.
Happiness keeps doctor away
Most of us know the importance of happiness in our lives. People who remain happy on permanent basis have a different face a different personality. Joyful people have more friends and reach to far more people than people who have ranting nature. The best part the joy can bring to the happy people the friends and a trouble-free life. But, let me tell you that not all people whom you meet everyday believe in this theory of joy and love. Some of them find joy something that gives them allergies. They do not know how to laugh and they do not want to see happy faces. Even if you find a faint smile on their faces, that will be only when they want to impress you for something or use you for any of their personal job. They know no importance of happiness because they have never done the laughing part ever in their life therefore happiness on others faces is like a curse for them. It is not that they lack in other departments of life but if they only learn to laugh and smile, they will be far better off. They certainly will do lot better.
Conclusion
People with no humor sense get no importance from others. Smile is like a flower that is necessary for a fruit-producing tree; no tree can ever produce a fruit unless it has fruit bearing flowers. I am sure you would not like to mix up with people who are rude, arrogant and have no smiles on their faces and to top it all, entirely ill mannered. I am sure your answer is going to be in negative. No one wants to meet them or talk to them but everyone tries to befriend with a person who has a smile on his face, whatever the situation he never gets irritated or mistreats his friends. If a person is successful in his field, his behavior works wonders for him making all he difference. A person is successful because he knows how to help and adjust others in need. No person with sarcastic views should expect to climb on top of the popularity chart and stay there too. That is why the saying goes “Let and let live” that is good for everyone.
Photo credit- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peach
Why do we need role models?
Who do we look up to ?
There was a time many years ago when youngsters and students looked upto people who made a name for themselves in either educational fields, arts or were great leaders or singers or even great actors.Times were different and people were different and there was no exposure where every little detail about the person they were admiring was known to them.They saw their admirable qualities and felt that they too would steer their life the way their role models had done. It was probably the mystique that was surrounding their private lives, that gave them a larger than life image glossing over any negative qualities they may have had. It is not the case now and we all know how the lives of celebrities, politicians, industrialists and for that everyone who mater has become an open book with every minute detail being given undue importance and coverage by the media.
So who do we have now who is worthy of this adulation ? Mother Teresa, Shahrukh Khan, Mukesh Ambani, Katrina Kaif, Aishwarya Rai, Manmohan Singh, Obama?..Frankly, do we need any of these role models now? The importance of a role model is undergoing some rapid changes and also to my mind their capacity to inspire has run dry !
Here I am giving a questionnaire that was put to high school students in a school debate and the response shows the shifting preferences or rather the lack of it !
Q -Who is your role model ?
A - What or Who is that ?
Q - Someone who you would like to look up to ?
A - Like who ?
Q - Like for example Mother Teresa, Obama, Anil Ambani, Michael Jackson, Mukesh Ambani, Osho Rajneesh, Manmohan Singh, Ayn Rand, Shahrukh khan, Katrina Kaif, Karl Marx, Bill Gates, Imran Khan, Satya Sai Baba , The pope ...any one from this list ?
A – No - no one from the list
Q - Anyone else of your choice ?
A - No I don’t need a role model
This negative response was received from more than 80% of the students and those who did choose role models went for either pop singers or actors! However, the majority of the students preferred to do without any role models. They felt that there was no point in emulating anyone.
Let us analyse this and see whether it is a change or a shift in their preferences a new avatar probably !
Different Avatars
Role models have been with us since time immemorial. People needed real life heroes to look up to place their faith in and also derive inspiration from which basically stems from insecurities and a lack of self confidence in many! But it also can be adoration based on ideologies like when someone looks up to a literary figure for the contribution he or she has made.
However, most of the time they have manifested themselves as objects of religious reverence like Sathya Sai Baba, Ayatollah Khomeini or other such religious leaders. People have also hero worshiped some for their acumen – people like Bill gates, JRD Tata, Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King and so on. Film stars too had their fair share or may be more than their fair share of worship and adulation bestowed on them. They became the role models for aspiring star struck fans. Men and women in the fields of art and letters find themselves either becoming mentors or being put on a pedestal by wannabes.
I was reading somewhere an amusing comment made by an eminent sociologist about role models which I am quoting here - "The role model is someone whose warts get glossed over and whose positive traits are highlighted. Deep within all of us, is the need to have someone to look up to. We emulate role models hoping that we, too, will strike it big like them " . This sums up the real need for a role model since, it is more an extension of our own ambitions and desires that make us look up to people who , we think have made it to the top !
A role model would be keenly observed, studied and subjected to severe scrutiny so that the missing key, the magic mantra to success could be found. People overlooked all other qualities except what they felt was admirable and created a larger than life persona who embodied everything good with no faults! It was in fact an imaginary figure that they had created in their minds firmly shutting out any realistic failings or shortcomings that the person may have. Even now some people get angry when someone speaks of Gandhiji's failings at a human level as a husband and father.
Benefits of having a Role model and a Mentor
It has been considered that having a role model is good for the person's all round growth. In emulating someone who has succeeded in life, you refine yourself and define your life adopting a good value base.
It strengthens a person’s value system, making him or her look upon life with vigor, optimism and enthusiasm because there is a goal to be fulfilled. These are all very positive qualities that help in the growth of a person. Many a times, the role model ends up being the unwitting inspiration for a greater career move, a promotion, attitude change – both at a personal and professional level. According to behavioral psychologists when the role model becomes the mentor the benefits reaped are even greater.
We see many entry level young people adopt a successful senior as a role model and then look up to them making them their mentor. From the older senior person they learn more than just the job requirements, they learn to tackle tough issues and are able to climb the ladder of success easily thereby helping their career and themselves.
The role of a mentor though shadowy is nonetheless equally influential. The mentor is someone whose opinions are valued, followed and admired for what he or she represents. The mentor in turn helps the junior cope with stress both at work place and at a personal level since he realises that unless a person has a happy and stress free personal equation with his family he will not be able to deliver. So, when you have a mentor to lean back on your own life becomes that much more easier and stress free !
It strengthens a person’s value system, making him or her look upon life with vigor, optimism and enthusiasm because there is a goal to be fulfilled. These are all very positive qualities that help in the growth of a person. Many a times, the role model ends up being the unwitting inspiration for a greater career move, a promotion, attitude change – both at a personal and professional level. According to behavioral psychologists when the role model becomes the mentor the benefits reaped are even greater.
The Fading Luster
We come back to the present now since what I discussed above was what used to happen during the good old days. As of now the days of Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Pablo Neruda and other eminent personalities seems to be over, instead improbable entities from the silver screen, pop singers and the ramp have replaced them. Over the years, barring the religious role models most other objects of worship have faded in luster.
According to psychologists this is because of a combination of a hectic life style , a single minded absorption in achieving one’s goals and also because of a cynical attitude that has crept into many youngsters. Another very relevant fact according to me is that the youngsters are not quite as impressionable as they were say 2 or 3 decades ago. They are an aware lot with very definite ideas and opinions of their own where role models have little place or impact.
I know of many youngsters who simply don’t even want a role model - they know where they are, what they want and how to get there. According to them admiring a star or pop singer does not mean following their lifestyle - like one youngster told me “ If you are busy trying to live life like your role model you lose sight of yourself since we know that we have the potential and it is just a matter of realising it and giving expression to it “.
Often it so happens that a role model turns out to have feet of clay and the admiring youngsters cannot take the fall from grace. They either turn a blind eye believing that their role model is above reproach, since they feel the desperate need to go on believing. But in time realisation dawns and they become cynical painting all with the same black paint.
Either way, the image of role model as hero/heroine has suffered in the recent times. Who is fit to be a genuine role model today? The other day I was going through an interview given by Bill Gates who is a giant today because of his contributions and personality, where he says that no one is hated more than him with so many anti-Gates websites, than him. Can we think of anyone who we feel is worthy of emulating? Hillary Clinton – she has too many chinks! Any of our Politicians? the youngsters would run a mile than emulate anyone of them.
Many youngsters even go as far as saying to their parents when they show some great personality ‘You show someone with our own tastes and someone worthy of being a role model worthy of emulation and we will emulate them. But frankly can any parent come up with one who is worthy of emulation? here first of all parents need to find someone who their children would accept and also find someone who they themselves approve ! This is an impossible task as far as today’s scenario is concerned.
Redefining the role
Redefining the role Psychoanalysts and behavioral experts feel that not having a role model is not a bad idea since one needs to consider the social conditions as well. It is something that came naturally a few decades away and now it comes naturally not to have one. No doubt role models can be wonderful people for us to learn from and enhance our lives. Unfortunately most of us want someone who is so perfect in our eyes that we can blindly depend on him or her. The flip side here is that when our whole lives will be dedicated in unquestioning adulation and emulation of that one person, we run the risk of sacrificing our own unique ability to think for ourselves. The question will be where to draw the line ?
There are some cases where the individual on a pedestal is unworthy of such adulation of being a role model. Impressionable young people hero worship models, film stars, rich industrialists just because they are good looking and stylish and fight 50 people at the same time on screen and are immensely rich . Now one wonders whether these are qualities to be emulated and how far does it benefit the youngster in his or her own overall personality development ? Not much thought is given beyond the external qualities. A role model adopted for such frivolous reasons obviously van do precious little for anyone, in fact in my opinion may cause more damage to the all round development of youngster’s personality.
Blind adoration is dangerous in that it could lead a person to think – why do I need to solve my problem by myself when I have a person telling me directly or indirectly what to do and how to act !
The Flip Side of having a role model
Having a role model is a twin-edged sword. The moment your object of adoration gives you the cold shoulder or is unable to simply unable to comply with whatever you demand of this person, the adoration can easily turn to disappointment and later hate. The image of the role model now needs to be destroyed wholly and devastatingly, this is what happens in some cases !
That is how admirers and fans turn stalkers and senders of hate mail. Sometimes this negative feeling can go to any extent turning the person into a criminal. When the person hates the role model and is bent on destroying the role model he or she is also destroying their own self since they become imbalanced and irrational in their thinking. Whereas previously their entire life was devoted to admiration and imitation, now their entire life and being feeds on smoldering hate.
This fall from grace could be for reasons ranging from trivial to the serious. An adored writer could for some reason be a little short or rude with one of his adoring fans and admiration can easily turn into hate , similar case with film stars who may be brisk or negligent with an admirer. In an office a much adored officer might speak highly of a colleague you don’t like and overlook you for a promotion ! These are all the many reasons how adoration can easily turn into hate. Then again the role model may turn out to be a cheat or a person who leads a despicable double life and the idol bites the dust !
An impressionable mind adopting a role model is not always for better. Perceived and imaginary virtues are often heaped on the person, raising him or her to a deity status. If the role model is a restrained cal person the emulator too would adapt some of those qualities, however, if the role model is seen as an aggressive person the emulator may adopt an unnatural even uncharacteristic veneer of aggression. We see many such instances when youngsters begin to adore some persons with a criminal bent up of mind finally becoming criminals themselves. Whereas the older people being adored may be able to handle their own personal traits the emulator may not be able to do so especially if he or she is young , impressionable and immature.
More importantly the emulator keeps comparing himself or herself to the role model and obviously suffers in the grading ! This leads to putting oneself down mentally, which in turn leads to a weakened sense of confidence in oneself. This becomes a major disadvantage in life. I have seen many such cases where a vicious circle is formed, one that does not help the emulator at all.
Conclusions
One needs to be balanced in life. The blinkered view, whereby one shuts out the world to the exclusion of all but the role model, is another detrimental factor. The pronouncement of the role model is greeted with devout belief and reverence. According to psychoanalysts who have made several studies on the subject - It is a clear division of ‘US’ ( The role model and the emulator or the adoring fan as the case may be ) against ‘THEM’ ( which is the rest of the world). Such a narrow point of view cannot benefit the young mind in any way. In fact it can only harm the person since he or she begins to live in an unnatural world where reality doesn't seem to have much impact until something drastic happens. Any such experience the individual might have will leave a very negative impact on his or her thinking in almost all their future actions in life! They might become cynics who don't easily trust people.
Ultimately, the general consensus among the experts seems to be that having a role model is a mixed blessing! We can benefit from emulating a worthy individual, but it is important to distance ourselves adequately and objectively from that very individual. The influence should be a boon and never a bane.
( image - personal)
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