Good parents are Good communicators
Communication
Communication is the basis of any successful relationship. Both Lack of communication and bad or faulty communication will undoubtedly jeopardize a relation be it between lovers or husband and wife or parents and children. Wherever a child is deprived of communication the child will become the victim of many child related ailments like delayed speech development and inability to adjust with the society. .Is it not funny, in a family of 3 or 4 members for days on end on members will be without communication with each other? What a pity. Lack of communication especially between parents and children has become the bane of the society.
The cause for lack of communication
The pace of life has increased. Economic conditions deteriorated. Erstwhile system of joint families gave way to nuclear family system. Owing to the need of making the ends meet, the home makers had to take the role of a Bread winner too along with her partner. Now both parents became more preoccupied and more busy than ever. Their careers and the related social engagements became the highest priorities. All these amounted to a new social problem which was not there.. The biggest problem that cropped up was a big gap between the parents and the children. The all vital communication between the family members in general and the communication between the parents and the children in particular disappeared in to thin air making the present social system more complicated.
In my view, some of the inventions which were thought to be a boon to the mankind, unfortunately proved to a bane to the mankind. The fault doesn't lie with the inventions but with the human who abused them. TV and Internet are two of the new inventions of modern era which are recklessly misused by both elders and youngsters, creating a wide gap in the communication system.
Family members speak rarely with each other. From dawn to dusk elders will be away from their homes, leaving the children on their own. Gone are the days of those lively dining table chats. Guilty parents in a bid to compensate the lapses in parenting started resorting to wrong ways, further complicating the issues. One of the many wrong methods parents are indulging is
Faulty communication.
Parents are fully aware of of the goodness of being in touch with their children. But out of their helplessness to maintain the contact with their children are caught in the whirl pool. This in turn resulting in inadequate communication. In fact they are not real communications. They are mere one sided'Platform lecturing'.
What's real communication
The faulty notion that's prevailing about communication is, "It's mere talking.' It's far from truth. Communication in its real sense can be defined as that communication, where in both talking and listening are present in equal measures. Every one wants to express his own point of view. It's not fair to override the right of others. After you finish off with your version, allow the other parson's version. While listening a meaningful gesture like a nod or a look of approval will greatly enlivens the conversation. The other participant should know that he too will be heard.
This is more important if you are talking with your own kid. Don't say, " Listen whatever I say." Instead, say, "After your hearing me, you can say your version."
While talking with a child bear the following points in your mind.
Don't start with a 'Frown'
This will scare the child. The child will try to escape from the situation generally with a lie or with a denial. Suppose, you have seen a blotch of ink on one of your favourite books. Don't ask, "Why did you splash the ink on my book?" The answer from te kid will be invariably, "I didn't." Remember hostility will never work. It injects fear in the child, But can never extract the truth.
Instead you re-phrase your question like this : " I wonder, how this blotch has come up here. Do have any idea?" This approach paves the path for a One -to -One friendl discussion in an amicable atmosphere. Only now in such atmosphere the real things will come out. Your kid will be happy that you took him into your confidence and gives his beast to you. That's the magic of a few words.
Simple language drives the point home.
You may be a professor of English language in a reputed and prestigious university. You have a penchant for flowery language. It doesn't mean that you use all your scholarly quintessence before your small kid. Save it for yourself and use simple language to impress the kid. Suppose you felt that your 6 year old kid is lying. In a bid to reprimand him, don't ask a question, "Don't be a nincompoop and act smart.Let the truth see the light."
It will be all confusion and chaos to the kid. Instead rephrase your question, " You know the truth. Tell me." This way will not lead to any misinterpretations. The kid need not interrupt you with the awkward question, "Papa, What's Nincompoop.?" This simple way of asking will work better with relatively young kids.
A mild attitude will greatly help
Harsh vocabulary and a daunting attitude will worsen the situation. Use a language that won't lead to arguments and counter allegations. A harsh word will set a negative atmosphere. Ask a question in a mild way, not in a wild way. Say, " We meet at 6 PM in the lounge." instead of, "Be here by 6 PM in the lounge positively."
It makes a sea difference.
There need not be any ambiguity
Suppose on a particular day you are a bit off mode due to some official mistake in the office. When you step in to the home, don't delay to reveal the reason for your off mood to your wife and kids, "Hi, I'm a bit upset right now. You are not the reason. I'll be normal after my shower and a cup of tea." This simple precaution will save a lot of unwanted issues likely to rise up.
Other ways of effective communication.
Non- verbal communication is equally important and effective while dealing with kids. Good parents indulge in non- verbal communications too along with other modes of communication as stated above. Written communication is one such communication which will never leave a chance to misunderstanding or misinterpretation. When a parent sees a commendable deed in a kid, some of them give a pleasant surprise to the kid by simply slipping a slip in to their cupboard or a pencil box saying, "I liked your neatly stacked books in your cupboard. Congratulations. Keep it up. I'm proud of you."This certainly puts a glint in the eyes of the kid and their morale boosts up. A kid whose morale is high will show lot of interest in showing new ways to please the parents. Parents should realize this simple fact and make use of this strategy effective for a healthy child- parent relationship.
Communication without words
Yet another key way to establish a strong relationship with the kid is. Non -Verbal communication. A simple gesture. A wide eyed nod.An index finger- thumb combination will take a step further towards your kid. Don't forget, there is a gesture for every kind of approval. And every gesture will reap rich dividends.
Demonstrative communication
The adage, 'Don't hide your love, show it" may sound trite, but it works effectively. We generally show our love towards our kids, when they are ill. This creates a wrong impression in the children. They form an idea that 'Unless we fall sick,we cannot get our love and appreciation from our parents.'. In order to nip such ideas from the minds of the children, parents are advised to show their love without any reservations for time or occasion.
If you add a bit of physical demonstration of your love by putting an arm on the shoulder and stare at the kid's face with a glint that unmistakably speaks of the parent's love, the parent- chilld relation deepens. Never lag behind to go for a hug at the appropriate time.
Your supportive role is essential
When your child struggles to give a proper shape to thank you and searches for words, help them out. The child may be trying to get a proper word to express its love, supply it. For example, you should give the child a clue that makes him reach for the word he was trying to get like this.
"You are trying to reciprocate my greetings on your successful completion of the senior school examination with flying colours. I can guess it----------" This gives an idea to the kid what the next step is. This is how a parent should play a supportive role in every walk of life of the kid.
My Conclusion
For Playing an anchor role in making your child a winner, the best effective tool is communication in the best possible way. Remember, what a child receives today from you, you will get it back when it is necessary for you in more quantities. See that the Parent- child relation is kept alive under any circumstances.
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