Care during old age

Category: General Discussions 3 months ago

I felt compelled to write this post after i got to experience a heart breaking incident involving one of my relatives. The lady is 83 years old, a widow living in the ancestral house with her two sons and their families and a daughter with her son who is seperated. The children torment her day in.and day out bringing up past occurences where she had made some mistakes with property matters because of lack of knowledge.  She says she cries almost every day because of the hurting words they use and is unable to eat because they all start criticizing and scolding her at meal time.

I felt so very sad for her.  Is it fair to bring up past issues now when she is weak and in need of support at every stage. How can children be so selfish and cruel ?  Is land and money more important than your own mother?


Pay no mind to those who talk behind your back, it simply means that you are two steps ahead !!!

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  • Re: Care during old age

    by » 3 months ago


    Its very sad incident that you have mentioned. Unfortunately such cases of elderly abuses are increasing. I personally feel that if such incidents occur on a daily basis and elderlies do not get support from anyone in the family, its better for them to stay in old age home. 

    Having said that, the children should also remember that they were brought up by their parents and should learn to forgive any past mistakes and move ahead in life. After all they themselves will get old some day.


    Thank you said by: usha manohar, Kalyani Nandurkar

  • Re: Care during old age

    by » 3 months ago


    jabeen wrote:

    Its very sad incident that you have mentioned. Unfortunately such cases of elderly abuses are increasing. I personally feel that if such incidents occur on a daily basis and elderlies do not get support from anyone in the family, its better for them to stay in old age home. 

    Having said that, the children should also remember that they were brought up by their parents and should learn to forgive any past mistakes and move ahead in life. After all they themselves will get old some day.

    Very true Jabeen, they dont realise that they are showing their true colors to their own children . Later, when they grow older they are bound to question their parents when the circumstances make them do it. It is very essential to be  understanding and compassionate towards our parents and other old people ..


    Pay no mind to those who talk behind your back, it simply means that you are two steps ahead !!!


  • Re: Care during old age

    by » 3 months ago


    It has become very common in our society where elders are suffering mainly for the property. A video was in news a couple of days ago that showed a couple both aged 68 said that their son and daughter-in-law were harassing them for the house they lived in. The elderly couple had already disowned their son for misbehavior but they son and his wife kept coming to their house to give them possession of the house. It was disheartening to see both of them weeping online and save their property and life. I sincerely hope that government will make stricter rules in such cases.


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    Thank you said by: usha manohar

  • Re: Care during old age

    by » 3 months ago


    In Indian society it is very common. Most of children forgot all sacrifice that their parents done for them. They forget that property which their parents have, after them these are of them. Parents will not take with them. But at present children have not patience. 


    Thank you said by: usha manohar

  • Re: Care during old age

    by » 3 months ago


    suni51 wrote:

    It has become very common in our society where elders are suffering mainly for the property. A video was in news a couple of days ago that showed a couple both aged 68 said that their son and daughter-in-law were harassing them for the house they lived in. The elderly couple had already disowned their son for misbehavior but they son and his wife kept coming to their house to give them possession of the house. It was disheartening to see both of them weeping online and save their property and life. I sincerely hope that government will make stricter rules in such cases.

    I think there are some laws to ensure that children do not harass their parents or elderly relatives. If it can be implemented effectively it will be better

    But more than legal methods, I feel that its more important to instill a sense of compassion and respect for elderlies to the younger generation.


    Thank you said by: suni51

  • Re: Care during old age

    by » 3 months ago


    This is so sad. Such things are only increasing now day by day with children becoming more concerned about money and possessions rather than relationships. The example you have given is quite common and there have been news in the recent past of children even resorting to beating old parents and throwing them out of houses. Maharashtra government has made changes in the law to address such issues and now the parents can actually file complaint against abusive children and also ask for alimony from the children for support in financial and medical aid. The Maharashtra has also given a few decisions in favor of parents against abusive children. Probably there is similar provision in the Karnataka judiciary too. Or she can seek help from elderly support groups in your city. Nowadays there are such support groups all over India. But ideally things shouldn't come to that, the children should themselves realise that little can be done to change the past and take care of the old parents.


    "I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."
    - W. C. Fields :)


    Thank you said by: usha manohar

  • Re: Care during old age

    by » 3 months ago


    Most of state have law for protecting parents from abusive children. But in India it is not easy to get relief from court. It may be take some years. For a old age person it is not possible to struggle in courts. 


  • Re: Care during old age

    by » 3 months ago


    Legal options are there,  no doubt, but here the concern is about the falling values. Indians go on and on about being hospitable amd lecture on matr devobhava etc etc but in reality it is nothing but a hollow slogan. I feel that children should be taught the right values ..

     


    Pay no mind to those who talk behind your back, it simply means that you are two steps ahead !!!


    Thank you said by: jabeen

  • Re: Care during old age

    by » 3 months ago


    usha manohar wrote:

    Legal options are there,  no doubt, but here the concern is about the falling values. Indians go on and on about being hospitable amd lecture on matr devobhava etc etc but in reality it is nothing but a hollow slogan. I feel that children should be taught the right values ..

    True...it is all about values and moral ethics. Like I said previously in my post, there are legal rules etc. but the onus and responsibility of the children should come from within themselves and not forcefully. Also, if we talk about ethics and following one's duties, is it only the fault of the children alone? Did the parents truly and honestly follow ethics and responsibilities themselves? Because after all, what children do is to emulate their parents. I am not saying that all parents are also at fault, but majority of the older people are not so pleasing and compliant. Just yesterday I was speaking to an old friend after many years. She lives in Bahrain and is here on vacation. When I asked her if her MIL lives with her, she said that they cannot keep parents with them as per laws of Bahrain, so they have admitted her to an old age home with intensive care facilities. She further said that even if they were allowed to, she will never ever keep her MIL in the her house. I was a bit taken aback. But then she told me of the harrowing experience she has had of her MIL. The old lady, a seemingly genial and warm on the outside is no less than a witch. When my friend's son was younger, the grandmother used to pinch him and hit him for even the slightest of things. She never behaved in a warm and loving manner towards the child. Many older people have treated their daughters in law in a very degrading manner and so they find it very hard to forget such things and accept their duties when they turn old and dependent.


    "I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."
    - W. C. Fields :)


  • Re: Care during old age

    by » 3 months ago


    Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:
    usha manohar wrote:

    Legal options are there,  no doubt, but here the concern is about the falling values. Indians go on and on about being hospitable amd lecture on matr devobhava etc etc but in reality it is nothing but a hollow slogan. I feel that children should be taught the right values ..

    True...it is all about values and moral ethics. Like I said previously in my post, there are legal rules etc. but the onus and responsibility of the children should come from within themselves and not forcefully. Also, if we talk about ethics and following one's duties, is it only the fault of the children alone? Did the parents truly and honestly follow ethics and responsibilities themselves? Because after all, what children do is to emulate their parents. I am not saying that all parents are also at fault, but majority of the older people are not so pleasing and compliant. Just yesterday I was speaking to an old friend after many years. She lives in Bahrain and is here on vacation. When I asked her if her MIL lives with her, she said that they cannot keep parents with them as per laws of Bahrain, so they have admitted her to an old age home with intensive care facilities. She further said that even if they were allowed to, she will never ever keep her MIL in the her house. I was a bit taken aback. But then she told me of the harrowing experience she has had of her MIL. The old lady, a seemingly genial and warm on the outside is no less than a witch. When my friend's son was younger, the grandmother used to pinch him and hit him for even the slightest of things. She never behaved in a warm and loving manner towards the child. Many older people have treated their daughters in law in a very degrading manner and so they find it very hard to forget such things and accept their duties when they turn old and dependent.

    I agree you reap as you sow unless of course the daughter in laws are smart enough to forget the past and make the mother in law realise her mistake through her own actions. I have seen that happen too...by the way there is no restriction whatsoever to take your parents to Baharain or any of tje UAE nations with a family visa. I have many relatives living in the gulf including Baharain with some of their parents living full time with them.


    Pay no mind to those who talk behind your back, it simply means that you are two steps ahead !!!


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