To avoid these misunderstanding you just have to be your son/daughter friend. First be friend then if you get time then become parent.....

A good advise indeed. This goes a long way in consolidating the Parent-Child relationship.

There is a verse in Sanskrit that I read in high school, which says you have to take care of kids in this manner -

 fulfill demands till age 3;  control them , guard them and punish them till age 5; but once they are 16 years old; you must treat them as friends..

although I don't agree with the control and punishment bit which may go out of hand at times ! What it essentially tells us is that you need to change your approach and method while dealing with your adult children.

Contro,  restrictions never yield the desired results. If the children are subjected to  restrictions especially the grown up children are bound to  become rebels.

It is true that in many successful families, an intimate friendship prevails between parents and children. Things become easy when they have open mind and have nothing to hide. When their minds vibrate in same frequency, all problems vanish. 

Wise parents are not rigid.  Rather they are flexible. Parents being rigid and commanding will prove counter productive.

From what I have seen many parents face communication problems with their grown up children since both are on different wave length and this is something that cannot be changed .The only practical solution would be for parents not to probe and give their children space by not being inquisitive all the time.It may be difficult but we must start trusting our children more and doubting their intentions less. It is a fact that many working parents who are unable to spend time with their teenage children employ detectives to know what is going on in their lives. If the child comes to know this, the relationship can really suffer ..

usha manohar wrote:

From what I have seen many parents face communication problems with their grown up children since both are on different wave length and this is something that cannot be changed .The only practical solution would be for parents not to probe and give their children space by not being inquisitive all the time.It may be difficult but we must start trusting our children more and doubting their intentions less. It is a fact that many working parents who are unable to spend time with their teenage children employ detectives to know what is going on in their lives. If the child comes to know this, the relationship can really suffer ..

Detectives to find out what the children are doing? OMG! It has come to this now.! I guess it is because most parents now think that since they bring home loads of money and give everything that their children ask for, they are doing the right job and being good parents. They simply don't want to communicate with their children on an emotional level.

Yes. Being  inquisitive and seeing every moment of the children with suspicion will build a wall between the  Parents and the children. In such conditions children will weave lies to  evade the parents.

Kalyani Nandurkar wrote:

usha manohar wrote:

From what I have seen many parents face communication problems with their grown up children since both are on different wave length and this is something that cannot be changed .The only practical solution would be for parents not to probe and give their children space by not being inquisitive all the time.It may be difficult but we must start trusting our children more and doubting their intentions less. It is a fact that many working parents who are unable to spend time with their teenage children employ detectives to know what is going on in their lives. If the child comes to know this, the relationship can really suffer ..

Detectives to find out what the children are doing? OMG! It has come to this now.! I guess it is because most parents now think that since they bring home loads of money and give everything that their children ask for, they are doing the right job and being good parents. They simply don't want to communicate with their children on an emotional level.

Yes Kalyani, I know of quite a few cases where the children found out about the detectives and left home for good...You dont know who to blame? parents too busy with their careers and children open to too many temptations being led astray.I guess knowing these facts parents try to keep tabs which most of the time fails and creates misunderstanding and mistrust ! Instead speaking to them for a few minutes instead of picking faults  would be far more productive !